worries.

These past two days have been a blur.
Mostly because I went and saw a doctor about my leg pain and he seems to think it may either be a stress fracture or a bone tumor.
And that's where the worries begin.
If it's a bone tumor, is it malignant?
If it's malignant, has it spread?
If it's spread, how is the outlook?

The questions can go on and on.

With my selfish mind, I'd love to pray for healing. I think maybe that is what I will do. But I'm not so sure as to what I should do. Should I give myself up for lost and look to serve Him and please Him continually?

Certainly.

But I feel that stewarding my body is another one of God's goals for me in life. And I have to admit, I have fears, fears that it might be something serious... And in many ways it is my fear of the things that are NOT God that causes me the worst harm. So I seek for serenity, for peace, and for certainty that my Lord is always there for me, through better or through worse.

I pray he sweeps my worries away... Turns my mind off of my worries... And helps me set my eyes upon serving Him and Him alone.

He who suffered, He who died looks upon me ... and all I can sputter is "Life's not fair" every moment something goes wrong or might be wrong with me. Maybe my perspective is all wrong.

Heal me so that I may serve you.

Looking back at my previous posts, it seems my life is still within that theme enveloping me - the brevity of life. I asked for urgency, and I got it, I can not feel more urgent about serving.