back to business

It feels good to be busy again. It really takes my mind off a lot of thoughts. I think that I wasn't meant to be a contemplative hermit, alone in my room all the time. I was meant to be out there in the world, living and enjoying life.

I always used to tell people I love criticism and correction. I confess that's not true. It's very circumstantial. When peers or people I look down upon criticize me, I don't say anything out loud, but I'm thinking several things. I first think - who are you to tell me this? How spiritual do you think you are?

Then, it goes on to: Alright. I'm shutting down. I don't have to listen to this junk. I already know that.

I'm a proud child. If only I knew how to follow, I think I would learn how to lead.

Do you think God cares why we love Him? Does He care that I came to Him because I was enticed by the idea of righteousness? Does He care that we're in this whole thing because we wanted to go to heaven? Or are we simply screwed up in all of this... do we need to love God simply because He is God?

I don't think I can do that. At least, not now. I'm just too selfish.