moving

http://blog.chrisbaik.com

Chris

broken and beautiful

The first few weeks of the school year of U of M are always bustling with excitement. I usually spend Welcome Week helping out with new student outreach for our church - though at first out of begrudging obligation, it's become a hopeful (albeit tiring) time to scatter seeds, hoping people will come and respond and be a part of our church family.

One of these times, I remember partnering with a sister and going around chalking different events on the floor. We had a few interesting conversations as we tried to get to know each other. One of them went something like this:
Sister: "What do you like to do in your free time?"

This I had to ponder for a moment given that I don't give myself copious amounts of free time.

Me: "Umm... What do you think I'd like to do?"

Sister: "Read. Play video games."

Me: "Wow. I feel judged. Why isn't it like 'play sports' or 'go explore'?"
Turns out, she was right. I reserved some free time for myself today to take a break, and what's refreshed me most has been to sit at a coffee shop and catch up on a stack of books on my to-read list.

As I was doing that, I bumped into an old acquaintance. I didn't want to approach him at first because I wanted my "alone time", but I was reading a book about evangelism. Go figure, I have an opportunity to talk to someone I'm not as comfortable with as I'm reading a book about reaching out.

I feel as if I've had my fair share of chance encounters with fellow believers that are super encouraging, and this one was no different. He shared about the things that he'd been through and his recent baptism. He hadn't had the greatest relationships with people in different churches he had been a part of, but I got to hear how he'd been more involved in a church in recent days and had been able to serve and speak into people's lives - and from the dark place I'd seen him in before, it was a beautiful thing to hear. The one thing that made tears well up in my eyes was when he shared what he went through as he was getting baptized - I will paraphrase here because of my horrendous memory.
As I stepped foot into the water, suddenly my whole body went weak. I didn't realize until later but God had a reason for doing this. People around me always saw me as the strong man, but as I looked back and I could barely stand in that pool and had to grab onto others, I knew what God was saying:
"One, I don't want someone official. Two, I don't want someone strong. I want the orphan. I want you, the way you were born into this world."
His family history wasn't pretty - he'd been through a lot and had been orphaned at a young age. But he shared this beautiful nugget of good news with me - that God did not want the polished versions of him, but the broken orphan.
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18)
He reminded me that what God wants from us is our brokenness and honest confessions instead of our pride and sacrifices. It's something I needed in this busy season.

Chris

no excuses

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
- Matthew 5:17-20
I think I consider myself a pretty "nice" guy, but it really messes with everything when I start bending the rules for different situations. People want this and that, or they want some kind of reprieve from their duties and responsibilities, and there's the compulsive sigh, "Fine, why not?" This tendency in me causes me to resent those who are faithful to requirements and accuse them as legalists. Similarly, Cain turns the blame on Abel when his offering is not accepted. His inability to meet God's requirements makes him angry at those who have been faithful.

I read Spurgeon's sermon on the above Matthew excerpt, and he speaks of the perfection of the Law. That Law which we accuse and throw out in the name of abolishing legalism is in fact the "schoolmaster to bring us to Christ" and which makes us realize the depths of our own sin. I've read Psalm 119 over and over again and I've trained myself to replace the "law of the LORD" with "the Bible" everytime I read it, because that makes me feel better - how can the Law be so delightful? But now, I see why. When we fail to achieve the Law, either the Law must perish or we must perish. I so often choose to remove God's holy Law instead of realizing that it is holy and unchanging - God's perfect instruction for men to be perfect.

I've been told my whole life, "As long as you do your best, Chris, there's nothing more you can do." And while this is a great way to take pressure off someone, I find it is highly deceptive - "whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments..." No, my best is not, will not, and will never be enough. Nor is God demanding my best. He is not satisfied with any of our "best," because even our best is like filthy rags before a holy and perfect God. He demands that we be perfect, as our Heavenly Father is perfect (Mt. 5:48).

At this point, I would abandon Christianity as a bunch of hopeless hogwash, get angry at Abel for somehow pleasing God in a way I could not, refuse God and live my life however I want, if not for Christ. My best will never be enough, but Christ will always be enough. My offerings will never be worth anything, but Christ's blood was worth everything.

As I look forward to the new year, I pray and hope that it is a year when I do not relax any one of God's demands on myself or on others - to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love people as myself. Yet I also pray that we may see that every one of those demands is first met in Christ and Christ alone, not in changing my behavior or justifying my deeds or in "doing my best."

Chris

never forget

When He rode into Jerusalem in triumph, we do not read that He disdained to confess that the humble fishermen were His followers. And “Now, though He reigns exalted on high, His love is still as great.” He still calls us Brethren, Friends! He still recognizes the kinship of the one blood. And yet, strange to say, we have known many Christians who have forgotten much of their love to Christ when they have risen in the world. “Ah,” said a woman who had been desirous to do much for Christ in poverty and who had had a great sum left her, “I cannot do as much as I used to do.” “But how is that?” asked one. She said, “When I had a shilling purse, I had a guinea heart, but now that I have a guinea purse, I have only a shilling heart.” It is a sad temptation to some men to get rich. They were con- tent to go to the Meeting House and mix with the ignoble congregation while they had but little. They have grown rich; there is an Oriental carpet in the drawing room—they now have arrangements too splendid to permit them to invite the poor of the flock, as once they did. And Christ Jesus is not so fashionable as to allow them to introduce any religious topic when they meet with their new friends. Besides this, they say they are now obliged to pay this visit and that visit—and they must spend so much time upon attire—and in maintaining their station and respectability, they cannot find time to pray as they did. The House of God has to be neglected for the party and Christ has less of their heart than He ever had. “Is this your kindness to your Friend?” And have you risen so high that you are ashamed of Christ? And have you grown so rich, that Christ in His poverty is despised? Alas, poor wealth! Alas, base wealth! Vile wealth! It were well for you if it should be all swept away if a descent to poverty would be a restoration to the ardency of your affection!
- Charles Spurgeon, Sermon #229, Love

This reflects how I feel at times these days. Perhaps I feel I have grown so important and rich and high and mighty that I forget those who are broken and in need and where I came from.

Chris

even if

I decided to change the name of this blog. As a reminder of the truth that God is teaching me, that to ascribe worth to God (i.e. to worship), is to say, "even if." I don't want to be all pretentious and out there by having some fancy name for my blog, but I'm hoping it serves as a reminder that true worship is unshaken by circumstance.

I've been learning what it means to be a "worship leader," but the greatest training hasn't come from becoming a better musician or knowing what to do or say at the right moments. The greatest lesson came when I saw someone lose what was most precious to them, and yet they still fought on and believed God was worthy. Without having played a note of music, they led me in worship.

Should I ever be abandoned
Should I ever be acclaimed
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame

 There's a name I will remember
There's a name I will proclaim
Let it be, let it be Jesus

Chris

naming

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/to-name-the-world

This is fascinating article.

It makes a whole lot of sense. And it makes me think that to name a child is a profound thing, and so is doing research - where we often try to make sense of the world by categorizing and organizing it into models.

Chris

testing, testing

I realize that you can read the Bible and find that Jesus would pretty much be amazing at any job. For example, The Master Plan of Evangelism explains how Jesus is a mastermind by entrusting the entire future of the faith into 12 incompetent disciples and then giving them Holy Spirit to carry it out. Every great CEO, teacher, doctor, parent, firefighter, policemen, judge, lawyer and engineer are but shadows of Christ.

And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, "He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak." (Mark 7:37)
I also happen to believe that Jesus would make the best programmer alive, because he knows about TDD.

TDD stands for "Test-Driven Development", and it's a method of programming (and it's pretty dang effective). There's 5 steps to this process:

1) Add a test.
2) Run all tests, make sure the new one fails.
3) Write some code.
4) Run tests.
5) Refactor code.

Then you repeat.

TDD really works because you never fix something until you're sure it's broken. And until you add a test in, you don't realize that something isn't working.

We hate it when the tests come in our lives, and when we fail those new tests. We realize we weren't a finished product, and it hurts to realize that we aren't perfect. But the beautiful thing is that it leaves God room to write some new code, polish and spruce up what wasn't working before.

TDD only works because you make sure the code will fail the new test. It really helps to know that we were meant to fail the tests:

"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." (Romans 3:20)
Because that's the only way that we can be changed, and that's where God can rewire us from trusting in our own flesh to looking to the Cross where He refactored everything. We no longer get what we deserve, because Jesus got what He didn't deserve. We get what we didn't deserve, because Jesus got what He didn't deserve.

Chris

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