not the gift, but...

Today, I woke up and I feel this giant burden on my heart. I feel like a sinner today.

In that sense, maybe it's a good thing, a time for humility and finding that my efforts are inadequate. On the other hand, it's been revealing to me my shortcomings in my relationship with Him.

My natural tendency when I feel uncomfortable, or when my heart is not at peace, is to cry out for help to God and ask Him to save me from whatever hell I'm in.. and try my best to remember that I am given grace. But is that what it's all about? Is my time to be spent just searching for His grace for the sake of putting my soul at rest?

They always say to love the giver, not the gift. I don't think I've been seeking the giver desperately, just the gift. And that, for my sake. I don't want to be separated from my Lord and my God, and I need to remember that as long as I depend on grace instead of Christ, I have lost focus on what is important.