lost sheep

"Now the tax collectors and 'sinners' were all gathering around to hear him. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, 'This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.'

Then Jesus told them this parable: 'Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep." I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.'"
- Luke 15:1-7

Life is like being a sheep with ADD. Do you wonder how this sheep got lost? Probably because he forgot that the day before, Mr. Shepherd fed him, led him to greener pastures, and protected him from Mr. Big Bad Wolf.

A friend wrote in my journal at one point (paraphrased): "Chris, you are wretched. But what does it mean to be irreplaceable in spite of that wretchedness?"

When that was inscribed into my journal, I was depressed and I didn't really get the meaning of the statement, and perhaps I still don't. But it makes sense in light of this sheep parable. That one sheep is irreplaceable. None of the other 99 sheep, regardless of how similar they look, act, or what quality wool they provide, is exactly that lost sheep. That lost sheep is special. The shepherd will go out of his way to find that sheep, and rejoice when it is found. (I imagine that he has kind of the same pleasure I get when I'm looking for like... my favorite book and I can't find it for hours until my mom gets fed up with me peering under every piece of furniture that she goes and finds my book for me.)

And when I am carried back by my shepherd, I follow. But then I get distracted by the world and its crown jewels, by the dazzling freedom that the open range seems to provide. A few days, weeks, or months later, I find myself in a ditch. In a mudslide. In a rut. And I gotta be carried back again.

Such is the fate of the ADD sheep.