time crawls

Recently, time's slowed to a crawl for me. If I think back to the beginning of first semester, it seems like it went by so much faster (and thus it was that much more enjoyable), but now I feel like I've lost the motivation to live joyfully; I have nothing to look forward to in a week. Everything's become bland, so to say. I want refreshment. Life's tough - a reminder that life is a roller coaster, but faith shouldn't be.

I look to this morning and I know I felt lost, just really dismayed at how I had so many things to do, but none of them had any taste in them - they were all going to end up with me "going through the motions." In some ways, that's a good thing, because even the things that used to give me happiness, such as outperforming others and doing well in school really has no more taste for me (at least, I feel that way)... but then again neither does the prospect of going to Sunday Celebration or ACCESS, which used to hold so much joy for me last semester (though I'm not too sure now about the reason behind that joy...). Maybe it's because there's no longer the prospect of any new people to meet, maybe because I feel the pump-up worship music has grown old. I want to celebrate again.

Joy overflows from God's love. For some reason, I feel particularly unloved lately. I haven't experienced God's presence in my life for a while - tough times come about, and people remind me that life isn't just a stroll through the park. I signed up to follow Christ to good and bad times alike, for eternity.

Lent hasn't been tough for me because of what I said I would give up, because although I've pretty much failed at that often, but it's been tough because maybe I'm experiencing just a taste of the suffering Christ went through before His death:

"And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."
- Luke 22:46