be a laughingstock

Often, I find myself really frustrated because I can't understand the gospel, nor can I convey it in a way that makes sense.

But I want to be a laughingstock. For if it made sense to the world, then this would not be true:

"This is why I speak to them in parables:
'Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.'"
- Matthew 13:13

Right this moment, I'm okay with it not making sense to me or to the world.

Knowing God is the best thing in life. God loves us more than we can ever know, because He sent His Son to die for us, so that we could be free from ourselves, the desires of the world, and the sin that will keep us from God. He died to make a way back to the Father, by being our righteousness and defense. He died so that the chains of sin would be broken. He died as our ransom to the kingdom of darkness, so that we could be free to serve the kingdom of light. He died so that we could receive Him and trust in Him to change our hearts to return to Him. And so I turn to love and seek Jesus, because He's my hope for change, He's the only good thing on my permanent record, and because nothing in this world can satisfy me like the presence of God.

And this morning, Psalm 71 really spoke to me. I'm really thankful because I've been anxious and confused the past week. God is faithful - if we wait on Him, He will not let us be put to shame.

"My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long -
though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come."
- Psalm 71:15-18