your move

I just spent a week in New Jersey and New York, mostly to serve at a youth group retreat with a few people from our church. I had a sweet time with some sweet people praising a sweet God. I'm on cloud nine after getting back and though hard times will come again I'm thankful for what I experienced.

The night before the retreat in New Jersey I stayed over at someone's place and we played some Chinese chess. It's one of those things (along with ping pong and go and tennis) that I attempted to play with my dad but lost motivation very quickly because I always got creamed.

As we were at the retreat, our pastor spoke about how we're to trust in the delays in life that frustrate us because ultimately God has a plan. And to me, that trust and faith extends not only to delays but to failures and suffering and pain - all these things have a place in God's plan to have us rejoice and delight in Him at the end of all things.

"Then Jesus said, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40)

And then I started thinking about the way I've lived life, and the way my college career played out, and the way I play chess (Chinese or otherwise).

When I'm intent on winning the game, I get into it. I stare at the board, do a depth-first search through all the possibilities, look at which move will have the least risk, and I take it. Usually, my foresight is pretty limited, so I'll end up losing one way or another because I'll forget that I left my other piece vulnerable because I'm focused on one way of doing things.

The absolute worst is when it's the other person's turn and while they ponder their next move, I think about what I'm going to do next turn. I have my plan of action all mapped out. My horse will take two turns to trap my opponents king, locking him in with no route of escape as he faces my queen...

Except it never works out that way. My opponent usually has something up his sleeve because he's thinking as hard as I am and he sees things from his perspective which is completely different from mine. And as he makes a move, he messes up my plan and I have to scramble and find a way to respond to his attack. The hunter becomes the hunted.

Quite similarly, my college career was spent thinking really hard and making a lot of plans and being impatient. I would always hear the vision of what we should look like as ideal Christians, what we should be like as college students living for God, took it to heart, and started crafting my way of getting there. I was desperate for something to happen. A book I picked up mentioned something along those lines:

"...we think that God will only be present if we work ourselves into a spiritually aware state. Spiritual squinting - straining to make out some sense of God - is worse than useless. Far from leading us into a deep sense of God's reality, it tends to make us frustrated with his elusiveness. Instead of effort, we need simplicity and relaxation." (Andy Crouch, Worship Team Handbook)

I did my fair share of squinting, and it got me nowhere. We often had times to share testimonies, and mine didn't often seem too real or honest when I was sharing them because I don't think I let God take control. I had my plan firmly in mind and it had to happen my way, and consequently, I think I missed out on a lot. I thought it was my turn to move when it was His. It's evidenced by this question that was asked during the retreat:

When is the last time God 'blind-sided' me and spoke in a way I did not expect?

Not very often. Not very often at all.

But when I think about it, God did some crazy things in my heart and in my life this past year (reflection still pending...) that would have never happened in the past, and He's graciously letting me know what kind of posture I should have in the future.

God, You are sovereign. Your every move dictates mine, no matter how hard I try to make things work and beat you. I have no strategy but to surrender. It's your move, God.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:1-4, 16)

day 22

day 22
would you ever go on a blind date with someone your friend recommends? why or why not?

Hmm. Probably not. This answer may or may not change in 10 years, but I can't imagine how awkward it would be (for me, at least) for the sole purpose of seeing if you'd want to get romantically involved or not. Plus I think I'd like to see people in their natural habitat before going on any form of a date with them.

I'm sure the point is moot because I'm not actually looking right now...

day 16 to 21

I'm very behind.. here's major catch-up!

day 16
What is the fondest memory you have of your parents?
I think some of the fondest memories I have of my mom is her extravagant, overwhelming love. I told her one time that I loved Fruit Roll-Ups, and she went and bought this mega 100-pack at Sam's Club. At that point, and many times after, I had to tell her to scale back because I would start hating things I loved because I had too much of it. I was spoiled, and looking back I'm so thankful to have a mom who was willing to go to any end to see me happy. It's easier to understand God who works for the good of those who love Him when I think of my mom.

For my dad, I remember he used to go play ping pong with me on weekends or take me hiking. And though we didn't talk all that much, he enjoyed spending time with me, and I'm so thankful for those times.

You know, growing up, it wasn't perfect, but... when I finally started to admit that my parents' love wasn't all that bad or imperfect, I started to see the beauty of God's love, too. He has all that love that I received and so much more.

day 17
advice from parents that's been timelessly true
I don't know how many times this has been spoken out loud, but one thing I really appreciate is the way my parents demonstrated and taught integrity. I won't say my family was the most open family and there were things we hid from each other and other people (and this contributes to my rampant idealistic perfectionism), but I appreciate that I was expected to do the right thing whether people were watching or not.

Sometimes I go in the bathroom and use the last bit of toilet paper, and I know I could walk out and hinge the blame on someone else for not replacing the toilet paper roll, but I do make the effort to go downstairs and grab a new roll and put it in the bathroom before leaving. Perhaps no one will ever know or appreciate it, but my parents taught me that that doesn't matter. We're doing things for the glory of God, after all.

day 18
one superpower I wish I had, and why?
To never be tired. I hate being sleepy and falling asleep everywhere.. though if I never got tired, sleep wouldn't be as sweet as it is now. I used to have trouble falling asleep in high school, now I knock out within 3 seconds of getting on my bed.

day 19
one story about a best friend growing up
Growing up, I always had one friend (and this person changed pretty frequently) that I knew I was going to call after school ended to hang out with me. In 2nd grade, I knew this nice dude named David (he goes to college in Toronto now), and he was my "best friend." At one point, we used to hang out during recess time at this playground in a park near our school, and there was this one not-cool-slash-awkward kid who kept chasing us around. I got pretty annoyed because I thought I was too cool for him, so I incited David to write a hate letter to this other kid. So we both wrote our letters... and mine went something like "You are ddong [poop in Korean]. I hate you." I slipped it in his bag. Then he told his sister and the principal found out and we got in trouble. Then I lied to my mom about it. I bet she knew the truth though. And I think she sometimes reads this blog so maybe she'll make a comment about it our next phone call...

Sigh... who knew that children could be so evil?

day 20
what have you been learning during this fast?
Honestly, I don't spend that much time on Facebook. Maybe I should've fasted from Google Reader instead because that does take up a lot of my time. On the other hand, that is how I stay connected with the world and learn a bunch of new things.

Like Katie, I've been learning that some of you are awesome writers. I kid you not, I have LOLed reading blogs more this past couple weeks than I ever have. Please don't stop using God's gift to you!

Anyway, in the span of time we've had this fast though, I've learned a whole bunch about a whole lot of other things in life. Like how important it is to be thankful, and how you can't be proud if you're thankful. About the power of affirming words in me and in others. About how only the gospel truly changes people. About how much growing we have coming as men.

day 21
Bible passage that spoke to you the most this semester
This one's a toughie. There's been things that have spoken to me here and there at just the right time... and I'm starting to see how important it is to be continually digging into the Word and just being a tree planted by streams of water. It's not a chore so much as it is a necessity, because I know what it feels like to be starving for the Word.

Two that come to mind are from the beginning of the semester and last week:

"I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" (Lamentations 3:24)

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." (Psalm 16:5-6)

It reminds me that God is sovereign, that I'm where I'm supposed to be in life and I don't have to be anxious.

It reminds me that though I'm far from where people want me to be, God wants me to be here, now.

It reminds me that it is God who satisfies me, not my circumstances.

It reminds me that God is pleased with me because of Jesus' blood and because of His provisions, not because of my efforts.

It reminds me that God loves me just for who I am right now, and that He will provide an inheritance in the future.

the joy of giving

We always tell kids to give, because sharing is caring. It really is. Caring for others, but mostly caring for yourself. I'm convinced that one of the things that makes people most happy is when we love someone, and we are able to give them a gift or a token of appreciation and have them appreciate it and gratefully accept it.

i am me, now, for a reason

Sifting through my morning Google Reader routine, I read an article (Standing on Your Tiptoes) that struck a pretty deep chord in me. It describes what I was like as a physical child, and what I'm like as a spiritual child.

The physical:

My parents put me in school a year early. I don't know how intentional this was. I always thought it was because private Christian international schools in Korea were pretty expensive and they weren't about to burn a few K on kindergarten. Which meant I missed out on naptime, a crucial life skill.

What this meant for me was that I always ended up being a full foot or so shorter than everyone else. I think I hit my growth spurt pretty late, too, so up until 11th grade, I looked like I was 12. There are pictures in my middle school yearbook of me playing on the soccer team, literally half the size of my teammates. I'd always get shoes a size bigger so that I could grow into them, bought medium-sized t-shirts hoping they'd fit (they still don't, really) one day. Needless to say, I was anxious to grow and get taller.

My nickname was "peanut." I'm not sure where this came from, but one theory is that in Korean you can say "ddang-kkoma" which is literally "ground-child" which sounds similar to "ddang-kohng" which is "peanut," so as a child who dwells close to the ground, I was a "peanut." I guess I embraced it. I own cbpeanut@yahoo.com and peanutsrule@hotmail.com. Not sure if I really liked it, now that I look back.

The article resonates with me, because I went to the doctors' office anticipating that their accurate measures would tell me that I grew at least a little. I'd stand with my feet as close together as possible, holding myself as tightly as possible, and putting my weight on the balls of my feet so that my heels might rise a little... I wanted to be tall.

The spiritual:

You know, it's not hard to emulate the external workings of Jesus in someone's heart. I mean, you just have to go pray all the time, make every meeting, look like you're worshiping with passion, share the gospel with people around you, talk about God constantly, never visit a party... But something always seems wrong, because people can tell when you're a four-foot-tall child trying to march like a six-foot-tall man. People can tell when you're not comfortable in your own skin.

A huge fear in me is that I'm not where I'm "supposed to be," whatever that means. I spent a lot of my undergrad years trying to "be" at this supposed place, because it wasn't ever enough to be... not spiritually healthy. I guess I didn't understand. The article hits the nail on the head:

God has already graciously given me everything I need to be pleasing in his sight.

And there was one day when the pieces did start coming together. I remember asking my pastor for prayer and his prayer was something along the lines of, "Thank you, God, that you're showing him these things now and not before, because your timing is perfect." And it's true.

I forget this, a lot. There are often times when people ask me how I'm doing and my tongue just feels like a brick and my mind shuts down because I'm afraid to admit that I'm not where I think I should be. And oftentimes, the place I think I should be is a place I would realistically never be. It doesn't help the situation, because then they just tell me to be honest, and I genuinely can't.

The hope that frees me from this is the hope of Ephesians 1:4: That through Christ, I am holy and blameless in his sight. Not anyone else's, not my own, but his sight. I just forget it so easily.

I am where I am because God put me here; I am who I am because that is where God wants me to be. I choose to trust Him.

"The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time." (Psalm 145:15)

day 15

day 15
prayer request for break

1) Quality time with God and alone. And with people.
2) Joy.
3) Peace.
4) Patience.

the meanest thing you've ever done to someone else

okay, I have a long list of these. Pick one?

This girl got me a jar of hand-folded origami stars in elementary school, and I was terrified of girls. So when she gave it to me, I didn't know how to react so I threw it in the trash in front of her.

day 14

my Christmas wishlist - and these are just going to be going from (at least for now) least to most likely:

• quality time with family
• a car
• a nice guitar
• a MacBook Air
• funding for my job next semester
• letters and cards, from ... anybody :)
• some time to rest, sleep, pray, reflect, and replenish for next semester. I want to read a book. I want to sing songs. I want to sit on a high hill overlooking a town somewhere or by the lakeside..

Undefeated, I thank God for all the unique people that each one of you are. Sometimes my patience is challenged, many times I can't do anything but laugh. I've been blessed by every piece of encouragement and affirmation I receive from so many of you, touched to see God work in ways and grow your trees into bigger trees that bear more fruit. I think the one thing that most amazes me about all of you is that you're not afraid to be who you are. Of all the things I can call this group, fake is just not one of them. Continue to be yourselves. :)

day 12 & 13

backtracking a little.

day 12: one thing you want to see happen in our LG before break?
Perhaps this point is moot because our last LG is already over, but one thing I wanted to see was people genuinely sharing. And I think I got a small taste of it tonight.

day 13: favorite class you've ever taken + why?
My senior design class this semester was probably my favorite class. Why? Because it was so unconventional. Class was more like talk at a dinner table than class. We talked about things like - iPhone or Android? How long is Facebook going to last? Current events in technology, speakers from various small tech companies... It felt more like the real world. And honestly, I think it helped in growing a small seed of a passion about entrepreneurship in me. Something about it is just so... exciting!

day 11

day 11 - September reflection
1) What is a goal you had for the new school year?
- study Colossians. fail. I studied like.. 18 verses of it with Bo. Better than nothing, hahaha.
- learn by falling and being exposed. I'm used to being a great performer and getting good grades, but not so used to actually learning.

2) What's something that was weird or different about this year than what you expected?
I didn't expect to be working for truApp. That's for sure. As far as I was concerned, my only options were bum or go to grad school.

3) What was your first impression of Undefeated?
I remember walking into Angell Hall Auditorium B not knowing what to expect. I remember I was trying to be cool and I was a little nervous...

Okay, I remember walking out and telling Katie and Cathy that this LIFE group is not going to be called "The Treasury," no matter what was convicting us or what we thought. I remember before we had that first gathering that was a potential name. But after we ended up with suggestions like DOPE, that was most definitely not happening. This was going to be a rambunctious, crazy group of people for which a tame name would not be fitting. I remember thinking that it was the first time I've seen such an un-awkward group of people the first time we got together. Crazy times.

day 7, 8, and 9

I'm so behind on these :(. I've had a couple presentations this week and a paper to write and... people visiting from faraway places. And it's been a blast but the introvert in me is screaming - sit down and reflect!

day 7
1) What did you learn in November?
Suffering produces perseverance, which produces character, and character produces hope. (Romans 5:2-4). I said a few prayers to make life a bit more difficult, because I'm realizing that there's no way you can possibly hope in God if life is all good and jolly, put together, and well done. Hope requires suffering, so I'd rather know God with suffering than evade God without suffering.

2) What was difficult for you?
God was challenging me with a lot of things. Where is your heart for the lost? Where is your heart to give? Where is the child who used to pray nightly for his dad's salvation? Do you love the church? Are you thankful? Just to name a few. But more importantly than this, I think my character was being challenged a lot, and I was discovering how little of it I had, deep down below the external layers.

I felt like an egg. There were a few moments when older brothers and mentors challenged me, and it came to a point where I was speechless. Mind you, I don't have many of these moments because I can generally talk my way out of most things. But the shell cracked, the white and yolk came spilling out, and I understood a little bit of what "vulnerable" meant. There is "controlled honesty," and there is "vulnerability," where you are not in control of what happens next, of how people will react, about what you look like, of your image, of how you meet peoples' expectations... and that's where I found myself. My protection was down. I was stumped and helpless, in front of one of my peers, nonetheless, and my skills and talents couldn't save me anymore. This happened around 2 or 3 times this month. So I discover how self-conscious I am. Not that I can do much about it, you know? Shells just have to be cracked.

3) What's your favorite memory from the month?
The juniors blessed us with a... prom-themed night and a dance party. I actually had a lot of fun. I'm thankful that people went to all this trouble to prepare something like that, and it's something I know our class needs because we don't get together very often. And it was a great night just to spend time with my roommates. We walked to the thing, and later walked home together, and it was like... bonding time that I've never had. Not that anything significant happened, but I remember just being able to share with them and talk about stupid things from my life and seeing them hear me out and seeing their empathy and seeing the camaraderie there was a huge blessing for me. It's an answer to prayer.

day 8
1) What stood out this month more than any other month during 1st semester?
Well, yes, the undergrad retreat. But my takeaway was more significant than the events itself. I checked the box, "Commit to running the race with your classmates." Because deep peer relationships was the one slice of life I've been missing all throughout undergrad. And God's been... making it happen. Even this month.

2) What's something you learned about God this month?
God is really deeply concerned with relationships and intimacy. And unless a relationship hurts at times, it's probably not very intimate. Because we're imperfect and we hurt each other, and God is concerned with so much more than that. He's concerned with grace, he's concerned with loving the messiness in every human being and teaching us to love the same in one another.

3) What's something you learned about yourself?
Man, I am utterly sinful and proud. I remember stepping on stage to play guitar and making it just about me. I was thinking, Wow, I need to be significant, I need to show off, I want attention from people. I have silent competitions with brothers around me because I want to be better, I want to be more well-liked, well-known, and... have status (Matthew 23:6). And after I had thoughts like that, I couldn't worship. But then I remembered what it means that "He defeated the grave." The grave is the place where I am so lost and so bound in my own sinful nature that I can't worship God. Jesus defeated it. I'm undefeated because Jesus is victorious and I'm on His side. And that victory is my hope to be able to worship, my strength to empower me to worship, and my joy that I worship.

I messed up, I hurt a few sisters I love, I accused a brother I love in my mind. But every time that I was somehow given the opportunity to ask for grace and forgiveness, I was given it. I'm part of a community and a church that loves me far more than I deserve.

day 9
How have you been blessed by Sunghyun?
I'm thankful for her honesty, that's she's not afraid to be herself in every circumstance and in every case. I'm thankful that she does her utmost to do God's will. I'm thankful that she's a prayer warrior - I'm pretty sure she might pray for me more than I pray for myself. And finally, just for being a friend who's willing to share life together and laugh together and teach me eloquent Korean.

one more thing

Today celebrates my 3-year anniversary of being baptized at Ann Arbor Chinese Christian Church. It's so cool considering we're having another baptism celebration this Saturday at the same place.

God's been so faithful the past 3 years. I've gotten to know him more and more, step-by-step, and I'm only now 3 years old:

Early 2009 - that He really truly exists (Hebrews 11:6)
Early 2010 - that He is a doctor to the sick, not the healthy (Matthew 9:12)
Summer 2010 - that He came to give us a full life and will give us a new heart (John 10:10, Ezekiel 36:26)
Early 2011 - that He is a God concerned with His glory first as we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4)
Summer 2011 - that He is a God who knew me in my mother's womb and loved me before I had a chance to earn it (Psalm 139:13-16)
Late 2011- that He is a God who is made greater in my weakness - when I fall and I let Him pick me up, that I know His heart that much more (Matthew 23, 2 Corinthians 12:9)

And slowly but surely, that He is a treasure worth more than anything else.

P.S. Shoutout to baptism class of Fall 2008! :)

day 6

Write out a prayer for Undefeated.

"Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him."
- Psalm 33:8

Lord,

I thank you for this special, wonderful group of people who are... all so very different. We have jocks, we have nerds, we have geeks, and everything in between. We're all very different.

I'm praying that we do not fear man, but that we fear God and long to please Him. I'm praying that we'll want what you want, that we'll be serious about reading the truth, the Bible; that we won't cling to our preconceived notions about what it's supposed to mean to be a Christian or what people are supposed to be like; and that we'll be ourselves and wait upon You to work on our hearts.

Father, I'm sorry that we lack the grace. Ephesians 4:29 talks about... building one another up and giving grace to one another, and I've messed up and missed the mark, and so... we all have fallen short of your glory. I thank you that you still call us your children because of Jesus.

I'm excited to see what you're going to do, because I know we aren't named Undefeated without reason. I ask that you will make us the people you called us to be. We are always yet defeated, but no matter the circumstance, no matter the brokenness in our lives, no matter the failures, we know that we root for an undefeated God. You're the quarterback, we're the crowd. Lead us as you will.

I pray in Jesus' name.

Amen.

day 4 & day 5... (even if it's day 6 already)

Dang it, I'm falling behind guys. I can't believe I'm the one sending out the post prompts -_-

Day 4: Schedule + Why's
Well, let's see. Everything I do is on my Google Calendar, generally...

7:05 AM - Wakey, wakey!
7:30 AM - Setup for Sunday Celebration/run-throughs for service. Why? Partly because somebody's gotta do it, and because I believe that we want nothing to come between people and hearing God's Word and internalizing it.
8:45 AM - Pre-celebration prayer. People who serve on Sunday mornings usually come together to pray for service before service. I always thought people who pray for a prayer meeting are strange, but... we do this because we want to prepare our hearts personally to serve others (out of our relationship with God! - John 15) and to ask for God to protect us and to do what He wants during our service.
9:30 AM - Sunday Celebration. Two services, back-to-back. I do this to serve the people who come, and to learn myself! I fall asleep a lot so I might be the person most likely to need 2 services... It's a service because people are being served - the truth, the Word of God, and a meeting with God along with other people that can't be replicated at a football game... and I help with some of the backdrops.
2:30 PM - Went to East Hall, sat down and did a little "studying". I think it always ends up with a flurry of e-mails and Google Reader by the time I got studying it was like 4. A couple friends joined me so we sat and studied and talked together for a little bit. Why? Because I love my friends and I have a responsibility as a student.
6:00 PM - YEAH - my tongue's still scarred from HOTPOT with my Community Summer Missions Project sub-team! Delicious. Because we had great experiences and grew together and were challenged together - we wanted to catch up.
9:30 PM - Was late to a 9:00 prayer for someone at North Quad. I'm doing this to join in with some people who have a heart to pray for someone and support, though I'm not sure how much of a huge personal conviction I have in this.
10:30 PM - Made a quick stop at East Hall to say hi to a few friends and give Paula her umbrella... then I decided I shouldn't be here because I was going to be tired the next morning, so I went home and studied the Bible a little before sleeping at 12.

Day 5: what am I looking forward to this week?
Hmm. A few people I know are visiting from out of town! One friend from my high school, people from Chicago an older brother from Florida, etc. And there's a lot of birthdays this week. And... at the end of this week, my college career is more or less over except one paper and one exam. ALMOST THERE!!


- Chris

here's the gospel

"When you're walking through life on a dirty road, and you're clean and bathed, the dirty road, you pick up dirt on your feet. And when you enter into relationship with Jesus, your sins are forgiven. And as we walk on a daily walk with Him, we continue to offend, we continue to sin. And isn't like we have to go back to "Go", but it is like we have to come back to Jesus. And let Him wash our feet, not simply start all over.

So Jesus is inviting Peter and the rest of His disciples, 'Return to me, return to me, get here quick!'

It's amazing to me how many people call Christians hypocrites.

And I guess I want to get in that line and say we are.

But the interesting thing about what a Christian hypocrite is versus what most people think a hypocrite is when they're a Christian - I think those are where we get it mixed up. I think most people accuse us of being hypocrites because we live lives with dirt on our feet and then we come to church or come to community group or come to Jesus and they go: 'See, hypocrite, hypocrite, you're no different than me!'

And what Jesus is saying is, 'You know, the hypocritical part of life is walking away from me, not walking back to me.'

Come back here, that's not being a hypocrite. Come into community group, that's not being a hypocrite."

- Pastor Bill Clem, Mars Hill Church

This really gets me excited about getting dirt on my feet. Because that means that I get to know the Jesus that forgives the offensive me, the Jesus who is patient with the irritable me.

day 2 and day 3

forgot yesterday:


day 2
a favorite song from the 90's:


As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys.

Why?

Dude I thought the Backstreet Boys were cool. And I don't think I had much exposure to pop culture, being in Korea and being a small nerdy kid who liked to play video games and soccer. That was life; music wasn't even on the radar. My sister picked up a Backstreet Boys album, and I thought my sister was cool. So then I went and illegally downloaded a lot of Backstreet Boys songs and sang along to them in the car. I didn't like talking about it with my friends, though, even if I didn't have much of a concept of "coolness".

day 3
A log of my day:

7:30 am - Woke up and went to our leaders' meeting at church. We meet on Saturday mornings usually just to pray, plan
12:00 pm - Spent some time with my co-LIFE group leaders planning out our future gatherings. Had some healthy and delicious food, kudos to Katie.
3:30 pm - Hung out with Stephen, grabbed a gingerbread latte from Starbucks then played some pool and talked about life.
5:00 pm - Went to an Angell Auditorium and worked through my e-mails and read peoples' blogposts, listened to half a sermon and started a little work on a project that's due on Wednesday - final project for EECS 497 which we super procrastinated on.. AHHH.
7:00 pm - Went to the Good News (Christian a capella group) concert to see and support a friend, had a great time listening to some good music :). though i was indeed a little drowsy...
9:00 pm - Someone just got engaged so went to go say hi and congratulate them. Walked out and grabbed a gyro from Rendezvous Cafe and now...
9:30 pm onward.. - sitting in East Hall, talking with some people on GChat about life, read a couple chapters of the Word because I was feeling pretty empty and I needed it. Feel a little overwhelmed with the hecticness of life and how everything is happening at once and how I need to wake up tomorrow morning.. I think I need to stop and breathe. Sent out an e-mail to everyone I know to help raise funding for our startup venture (http://truapp.me), and you can help here: http://www.intel-innovators.com/pitch?idea_id=653 (yes, I know it requires a FB login but hoping y'all have the self-control to jump in and out. and if not, then don't do it - not worth it).

day 1

My LIFE group is taking a 25-day fast from Facebook so we can focus on God more. Without distraction. And I'm sure it'll be helpful, because what consumes my heart and mind are definitely the things I spend the most time doing... (I nostalgically reflect on freshman year when I could be found sitting in a bathroom stall for half an hour staring at floor tiles - which were no longer tiles but falling Tetris pieces complete with rotations and cleared lines)

Today, we're to write:

1. A prayer request for the rest of the semester
   I wrote something down yesterday but I don't remember what it was. I have a lot of prayer requests this season. But to pick one: the strength to consistently love and pray for my parents.
2. A lesson we picked up from our Bible study on Ephesians 1:3-6
   My lesson was that... God decides who His children are, not me. It's not up to me to tell a family that their adopted son is not their own. They're the ones who decide who they adopt. And it has nothing to do with how well-behaved or hard-working the child is, and it has everything to do with the character of the Father. Reminds me of an article I once read about how a couple with an adopted daughter longed for the day when their daughter would rebel against them. Because that would be the day that their daughter understood that it wasn't her merit or submissive nature that drew them to love her, and that she could express her opinions and frustration, completely secure in her parents' love. And all of this adoption, the way that God makes much of us, the way that God chooses us and loves us and cares for us is so that He will be praised. The passage begins and ends with a single-minded aim - that praise will be to God the Father.

Follow the diagram from top left, to bottom left, to bottom right, to top right.

It starts with God loving people. And so people are significant. I am special. This is undeniably true. But it doesn't end there, as it so often seems to...

Then I praise God. And that completes the whole picture. Anything else is but... a broken machine.