purpose

What am I living for? A relationship, or obedience? Or both?

I want a clear-cut single answer to the question, but perhaps solutions come in pairs. A relationship is going to have to entail obedience, and an obedience needs to entail a relationship - lest it be meaningless.

I want no longer to be wrapped up in my own thoughts, in my love for myself, but to be uncomfortable for the sake of the gospel, because Jesus did the same for me first. I was never innocent in God's eyes, I was never a goody-two-shoes from His perspective. I can only speak with confidence and pray without qualms because of God's mercy in Jesus Christ.

I'm always lost in excuses. Where I am now is the product of an excuse I made in 9th grade - "God, I'll serve you in college." Four years later, and God kept me to my word. He allowed me to overcome some of the things that I was enslaved to.

If only He would overcome my reluctance to surrender my entire life to Him. God, I'll give you my life, sometime.