random question

If you don't believe in objective morality, how are you allowed to ask the question:

"If God is good, why does He allow pain and suffering?"

And if you do believe in objective morality, why do you define good the way you do? Who said you deserve anything?

Grace is so free, yet we are so undeserving, so questioning, so bitter... If we stop and look back, we might find who carried us here.

P.S. Whenever I write really apologeticky and theological things on this blog, it's probably because I have some sort of doubt and have to convince myself again of what I believe in. It's honestly quite stupid. I'm scared that I don't believe and would lose my faith for some reason. But it's not like God will let me go and let me fall to my worldly demise.