lies

I like telling hate telling tell lies.

It's so much easier to stretch the truth than not. You know, when you've got one thing wrong, might as well make it seem like a thousand things are. Just for dramatic effect. Because I do enjoy melodramatic moments.

Just one way I think that having life the way I imagine it to be (much like a Diehard movie) is better than having life the way it is. I just won't have it the way it is, in fact. Yet I won't even challenge myself to make the right choices. It's sometimes just so hard for me to expend my energy to actively try to be obedient.

You know, by the time I'm done butchering the truth away in my life, we'll be left with so little that I won't be a light to the world, let alone a flickering bulb with a near-broken filament. Maybe I'll end up being like a laser pointer. Lights nothing, pinpoints things, and ends up searing peoples' eyes until they go blind.

Maybe, by the time I'm done living out the gospel I've made up for myself, Jesus will be a 1st century tribesman from Northern Africa who was planted on earth by God to take over the world, and he was consequently reincarnated as every winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. Sensational, but untrue.

I've been trying to learn to focus not on who I am. Because digging back through 70 pages of my journal from this past year, every page is about a struggle I'm having, a lesson I'm learning, a way that my life is being changed. So little is actually thankful to God for it. So little actually acknowledges His sovereignty in my life (except for the ones where I'm struggling to learn He's sovereign).

When it comes down to it,

life is not about my actions,

life is not about my heart and my motives,

life is not about what state my soul is in,

life is about who God is.