... sad
I wasn't planning on writing today, but in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the yard sale, I left my backpack at church.. and consequently I am left with no Bible (which I was planning on reading tonight), no planner (which has my life in it), and no motivation. Needless to say, I'm discovering what a chore reading the Word has become. Today's sermon was about how we should begin to apply it to our lives, and I clearly haven't been reading it beyond its surface, beyond the intellectual level.I'm drained. More mentally and physically than anything else - even though I feel wide awake, I don't feel like moving. Moreover, I'm finding that I probably should pray or something, but I'm just too lazy to get up off this couch, as uncomfortable as it may be with its sagging cushions.
Missions starts in a week. I'm beginning to get a taste of the spiritual warfare that comes with it. I don't know if I'm as willing as I was a week ago to pour my heart out for the sake of God. I'm troubled when it comes to reaching out to people, since I find that I am so preoccupied with worrying - about myself, about others and their hearts - that I never have a clear faith of what works God can do.
"We sometimes use the term 'savior complex' to describe an unhealthy syndrome of obsession over curing others' problems. The true Savior, however, seemed remarkably free of such a complex. He had no compulsion to convert the entire world in his lifetime or to cure people who were not ready to be cured."
- "The Jesus I Never Knew," Philip Yancey
Jesus wasn't a forceful, worried "savior." He was the Savior. He was willing to put everything in God's hands, even other peoples' souls and his own. Why can't I be that way?
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Your backpack is in good hands.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it wasn't an accident that you left your backpack at the church. :)
ReplyDeletePerhaps you might try bringing the worry and anxiety straight to Him, just a conversation, just a pouring out? See if you can leave it with Him.
There seems to be a time-delay between the moments in which we fully pour ourselves out to other people and the moments in which we are filled again with His Spirit. Obviously there's a problem if we forget to fill ourselves with Him again, but don't be discouraged if you go through the in-between period of dryness... that's the time for a Sabbath-rest, to come back and lean on Him.
"Trust and obey" is the watchword for us. We are not asked to understand all things or even to know things perfectly. What He asks is that you do the work put before you, faithfully, with His help. He will direct your steps and take care of the rest.
We'll be praying for you this week!