seeds and clothing

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another..."
 - 1 Peter 5:5b

I always know how to clothe myself with modesty, not humility. Modesty's just a transparent veil that I put over the pride I have. Humility, on the other hand, is complete and utter dependence - the opposite of self-sufficiency.

I want to wear the coat of humility, so that when I serve, I serve willingly knowing my strength is not my own.

I've been walking around looking forward to this semester in a lot of different ways. I feel like I'm going to be academically challenged for the first time since stepping on campus, and that's going to take a toll. I want to know that I am young in heart, mind, and stature. I have a lot of growing to do. I am going to have to fight to be willing to learn, to be willing to expend my energy on more than myself.

I want to be a servant evangelist. To share the good news, not as my own agenda, but all for love. Evangelism is stressful when it is my duty. Thankfully, it's not:

"Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how."
- Mark 4:27

I don't know how people come to know Jesus. I don't know what I'm supposed to do half the time. But however much I stomp on the ground or mess with the seed, that will not make it sprout.