fail fail fail

It's stupid but after I pray for something, I don't follow through with what I get.

I ask God for anointing for ministry, and He gave it to me. He gave me an opportunity, reassured me, yet I was still unwilling to take the step of faith to do it.

I told myself to take risks and fail but now I end up not taking risks and failing. And it feels oh so much worse because there is nothing to appease my conscience with.

The problem was never that Jesus loved me, the problem was that I love Jesus back, by obeying his commands. I'm an idiot.

P.S. I wonder, really what is the point in praying if I don't live out what I pray?

P.P.S. I just realized. I prayed that I would take risks so that I could fail and understand even how Christ's grace covers over me. But if I came to the point where I was willing to take risks, I would probably have gotten all self-righteous and really, I would've gone farther from following Christ and his love. My complete and utter failure (of not even trying) shows me that I am a sinner in need of grace. God does answer prayers, huh? (Just not in the way that I want...)