gold, silver, and other shiny things

Do you know the feeling of walking out of Best Buy with your brand-spanking-new shiny iPod?

I don't. I ordered mine from the Apple Store.

But anyway, about that feeling. That feeling of invincibility, that nothing can tarnish or scratch your beautiful, overpriced miracle of modern machinery because you WILL take care of it. You know it will not go the way of your old laptop, your old car, and all your other toys, because you are in charge, and it will last forever. Perhaps you'll get a nice case for it, too.

Ah, the bliss..

Fast-forward to that first time your fingers stutter as you attempt to pull it from your pocket, and it falls to the concrete.. The anodized aluminum, for the first time, presents distorted reflections and you see the scratch across the formerly pearly surface.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @#%&@ )T*@){ !)T !*@)R%! *!!!!"

Anyway, once you get over it, you don't care anymore that oily fingerprints smudge the screen or that it is neatly tucked away in its pouch... in fact, you don't even care that your most klutzy of friends touches the thing. Such is the nature of owning expensive things. They are only worth protecting if they're in mint condition.

*Note: If none of this applies to you, maybe I'm overgeneralizing my perfectionism to the rest of the world. Sorry about that.

I think I'm like that with my grades. Up till now, I've kept them in the best condition possible, but I'm realizing how much it matters to me. I don't want to learn, I don't want to glorify God, I want a high GPA. And as I know how stupid that sounds, I also realize how hard it is to let go of stupidity. And perhaps it in itself is not a bad thing, but then in a more real sense, sometimes good things become terrible things because I want them for the wrong reasons - whether that is to make my parents happy, feed some inner desire for prestige and success, or for the sake of perpetuating some kind of reputation.

And what's gonna happen if I stumble and have to face that first scratch? Life will go on, but I hope I don't end up chasing after the wrong things.