spankings

"When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city..."
- My Chemical Romance, "Welcome to the Black Parade"

(That was random. I only mentioned it because I started writing about when I was younger and that song just popped into my head.)

My dad did take me into the city, though, and a lot more. Sometimes I got spanked at home because I was a bad boy. I never failed to cry. But I would always start crying before I even got spanked. It's really weird.

And it made me think today, why it is that children cry when they get spanked. Is it because of the pain of the spank or just the fact that they are enduring disapproval from their parents?

I'd like to think I had a high pain tolerance, so I'm going to say that I cried because I was ashamed, not because it hurt.

I'm remembering times when I got in arguments or fights with my parents, and my mom or dad would just be really disappointed in me and how they would just sit in silence and wait for me to come apologize to them (or spank me, at least when I was younger). A lot of times I would start out fuming, wondering how they had the audacity to wait for me to apologize first, but I wouldn't be able to take the tension. Most of the times I gave in first (perhaps 49 out of 50 times).

And I know that everytime I went back to say sorry, I would end up crying. And I have no idea why. I would be like, "I'm sorry, blubber blubber blubber blubber..."

Repentance is tough, isn't it? And I really missed having a joyful, tension-less relationship with my parents. For the couple of hours each feud lasted, I would always be in complete agony, like I was missing a part of my soul. And it would be so hard for me to go back and have that heart of humility, but every single time that I went back, the response would always be, "It's okay."

Earthly relationships really are a reflection of heavenly ones.

I wonder how much more tough it is for me to come with that same heart of repentance to God. When the feuds last not hours but years, where the agony is not simply emotional, but is reflected in every area of my life. When I'm missing the only relationship that ever mattered, there is indeed a void in my soul. I am the prodigal son, every single day.

Sometimes I get spanked, but always in the end, God is there to say "It's okay." And I can only come back because the power of Christ enables me to. When it takes me so much strength to muster up the courage to come back to my parents, I have nowhere near enough courage to approach the God of this universe to do the same. I can only come because of Jesus Christ.