beyond the great divide

Separation. It's something so good for wide receivers in football, for shooting guards in basketball, and for Olympic runners. Yet in the real world, it is not beneficial on any scale... especially between people.

I've found that the barrier between myself and the people I've been ministering to on missions is not the age gap, not race, and not even the socioeconomic reasons. The barrier is my own selfishness and sense of entitlement.

I find that taking 20 seconds to rest, to go use the bathroom, is something I take for granted. I get annoyed at kids because they want piggyback rides 24/7 (a.k.a. some attention), and I put my own fatigue between us, and shut down to them at times.

I wish I had unlimited reserves of energy. But I think living on my own strength and energy has really grown overrated. And it's true. I can't really do it on my own. I've just awakened to that fact very very recently.

I remember that one day that there was a sermon about William Borden and his mottos: "No reserves, no retreats, no regrets." Never holding back, never turning back, and never looking back. What does that mean for me? It means to always give my all, trudge through my fears, and to look optimistically toward the future.

"The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering."
- Oswald Chambers

falling away

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

A lot of the questions I have involve falling away, and the thing that shakes my faith the most is the stories of people falling away, becoming embittered at God at the church for various reasons - usually because they've been burned out.

"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace."
- Hebrews 6:4-6

Scary. I think learning not to lean on my own understanding is perhaps the hardest and most crucial thing for me to commit to.

security

"I'm so secure, You're here with me
You stay the same, Your love remains here in my heart..."
- "In Your Hands," Hillsong

I change like the tides. Or like people who can't decide what to wear the morning of their big-something-day.

I need to look a certain way to people. Image always seems to be an issue with teenage girls, with all those psychological as well as physical diseases that perpetuate an uneasiness within their hearts. I'm learning that it's a much deeper issue that affects everyone - people can all define us differently and talk about us behind our backs, and it's exactly our fear of this that causes us to act a certain way. Or change to act a certain way.

I need to mellow out and know that Christ doesn't change, that I'm secure because he's here with me. There's nothing more to it. There's nothing profound about life that can't be summarized in one word. Really. And whether that word is Christ or love or grace or security or God or life or whatever else you want to call it, the unspoken truth is that deep down inside we all want to please people before anything else. True freedom is knowing that it doesn't matter, that we don't need to change because our experiences and attitudes have been made a certain way because God made it that way. Not to say we shouldn't strive for change, but we shouldn't be inconsistent in our actions. Lessons for life from an older brother.

droplets

"When the well is dry, we know the worth of water."
- Ben Franklin, as found on my Camelbak bottle.

Playing soccer on Sunday, my throat was parched... and afterwards I went over with a couple guys to get Gatorade. I downed it in four gulps, and I wanted more.

I am about to file suit with regards to Gatorade's claim as a "thirst quencher." It stimulates it more than it quenches.

The Gospel should be the same way. The so-called "good news" as it is, we look up to it as a tool for satisfaction - and feel as if once we've fully understood it (as we so wrongfully think of ourselves much of the time), we have nothing else to search for. But the Gospel is always much more than we make of it. It's as if we've drunk a bottle of Gatorade and peer into the bottle hoping to lick away the last droplets, when all the while there's a stockroom full of G right under our noses. Like Gatorade, the good news should always make you thirstier - it gives you a taste of coolness, but there is always more to yearn for.

There is always opportunity to share the Gospel. Know your identity as a Christ-follower, then love God and your neighbor, and you know that great things will happen. I take it all for granted - love, life, salvation... when there are people who have had none of these in their lifetime - and if only they had their first taste for it, they would have a burning desire for more and more. I have heard the message; I have had a taste. But I am satisfied. I don't want to be anymore.

clogged

I spent the past day in Ludington with my LIFE group, just lounging around on the beach with nothing on my mind. I woke up yesterday with the intent to enjoy the day and do nothing.

I woke up today with the intent to use the bathroom. The toilet was clogged. I flushed. The water was oh-so-close to spilling over the top. I can't find a plunger.

It feels like my thoughts and purpose have been so blinded lately, that I haven't been able to look at things in the big picture but rather a minute-by-minute, day-by-day kind of perspective. It hasn't been helping any with a lot of things, and I know that I need to be more reflective. If only... I could find the plunger to my heart and mind.