moving

http://blog.chrisbaik.com

broken and beautiful

One of these times, I remember partnering with a sister and going around chalking different events on the floor. We had a few interesting conversations as we tried to get to know each other. One of them went something like this:

Sister: "What do you like to do in your free time?"

This I had to ponder for a moment given that I don't give myself copious amounts of free time.

Me: "Umm... What do you think I'd like to do?"

Sister: "Read. Play video games."

Me: "Wow. I feel judged. Why isn't it like 'play sports' or 'go explore'?"

Turns out, she was right. I reserved some free time for myself today to take a break, and what's refreshed me most has been to sit at a coffee shop and catch up on a stack of books on my to-read list.

As I was doing that, I bumped into an old acquaintance. I didn't want to approach him at first because I wanted my "alone time", but I was reading a book about evangelism. Go figure, I have an opportunity to talk to someone I'm not as comfortable with as I'm reading a book about reaching out.

I feel as if I've had my fair share of chance encounters with fellow believers that are super encouraging, and this one was no different. He shared about the things that he'd been through and his recent baptism. He hadn't had the greatest relationships with people in different churches he had been a part of, but I got to hear how he'd been more involved in a church in recent days and had been able to serve and speak into people's lives - and from the dark place I'd seen him in before, it was a beautiful thing to hear. The one thing that made tears well up in my eyes was when he shared what he went through as he was getting baptized - I will paraphrase here because of my horrendous memory.

As I stepped foot into the water, suddenly my whole body went weak. I didn't realize until later but God had a reason for doing this. People around me always saw me as the strong man, but as I looked back and I could barely stand in that pool and had to grab onto others, I knew what God was saying:

"One, I don't want someone official. Two, I don't want someone strong. I want the orphan. I want you, the way you were born into this world."

His family history wasn't pretty - he'd been through a lot and had been orphaned at a young age. But he shared this beautiful nugget of good news with me - that God did not want the polished versions of him, but the broken orphan.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18)

He reminded me that what God wants from us is our brokenness and honest confessions instead of our pride and sacrifices. It's something I needed in this busy season.

no excuses

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
- Matthew 5:17-20

I think I consider myself a pretty "nice" guy, but it really messes with everything when I start bending the rules for different situations. People want this and that, or they want some kind of reprieve from their duties and responsibilities, and there's the compulsive sigh, "Fine, why not?" This tendency in me causes me to resent those who are faithful to requirements and accuse them as legalists. Similarly, Cain turns the blame on Abel when his offering is not accepted. His inability to meet God's requirements makes him angry at those who have been faithful.

I read Spurgeon's sermon on the above Matthew excerpt, and he speaks of the perfection of the Law. That Law which we accuse and throw out in the name of abolishing legalism is in fact the "schoolmaster to bring us to Christ" and which makes us realize the depths of our own sin. I've read Psalm 119 over and over again and I've trained myself to replace the "law of the LORD" with "the Bible" everytime I read it, because that makes me feel better - how can the Law be so delightful? But now, I see why. When we fail to achieve the Law, either the Law must perish or we must perish. I so often choose to remove God's holy Law instead of realizing that it is holy and unchanging - God's perfect instruction for men to be perfect.

I've been told my whole life, "As long as you do your best, Chris, there's nothing more you can do." And while this is a great way to take pressure off someone, I find it is highly deceptive - "whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments..." No, my best is not, will not, and will never be enough. Nor is God demanding my best. He is not satisfied with any of our "best," because even our best is like filthy rags before a holy and perfect God. He demands that we be perfect, as our Heavenly Father is perfect (Mt. 5:48).

At this point, I would abandon Christianity as a bunch of hopeless hogwash, get angry at Abel for somehow pleasing God in a way I could not, refuse God and live my life however I want, if not for Christ. My best will never be enough, but Christ will always be enough. My offerings will never be worth anything, but Christ's blood was worth everything.

As I look forward to the new year, I pray and hope that it is a year when I do not relax any one of God's demands on myself or on others - to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love people as myself. Yet I also pray that we may see that every one of those demands is first met in Christ and Christ alone, not in changing my behavior or justifying my deeds or in "doing my best."