reverence

A thought's been circling my mind: God is holy, but we really don't treat Him as such.

I like talking about how God is my friend. I like laughing in the middle of prayers, speaking His name in vain, having absolutely no respect and no fear of God. I forgot.

"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness."
- Psalm 29:2

God is not just another petty politician I can bash on Twitter. He's not only a friend, but He made everything; He owns everything. And I want to remember the next time I read the Bible, the next time I pray, the next time I lift a song of praise, that the amazing God I'm able to worship is a God of wrath and justice, a terrible and holy God, yet somehow also a God of love who enables me to come to Him.

technology is so cool

http://www.google.com/insidesearch/searchbyimage.html

So, so cool.

why didn't he...

When Lazarus dies in the Bible, Jesus weeps.

In the past, I only knew that because "Jesus wept" is the shortest Bible verse. But this time when I read the story, I noticed that...

Half the Jews say, "Wow, Jesus loved Lazarus."

While the other half says, "If Jesus can open the eyes of the blind, why didn't he save Lazarus?"

And it makes me wonder which half I'd have been in.

the apple cult

Last night, I was having a talk with my accountability partner, and we were just discussing how much college students love Apple products. Except the raging dissenters, who... ragingly dissent to many, many other things also.

An article from August 2010 said that 70% of college freshmen entered college with Macs.

(By the way, I would like to clear up a bit of a misconception. For some reason, everyone thinks that "techies" prefer PCs to Macs, but whatever "techies" means, our professor pointed out yesterday that Mac users are the majority in our Computer Science classes...)

We call Apple followers a "cult," but it really, really genuinely is a cult. We worship the sleek, minimalist products they churn out. We know better when the next edition of the iPhone is coming out than where the last natural disaster to kill more than a million people happened. Such is the sheltered college lifestyle of people like me.

I used to think it absurd that the Israelites turned away from God and worshiped golden calves, but... we're honestly not too far off.

Of course, all this doesn't change any of the fact that I want a Mac. I want one. But it's sad. I'm just praying that by God's grace I'll learn to love Him and love people more than I love gadgets.

things are organic

I've never given much thought to life.

At some point in 10th grade, I was sitting through my non-honors biology class in high school sleeping through every single lesson, hating the microscopes that would never line up with my four eyes, knowing that the exams would all be repetition and regurgitation, and... ultimately hating the fact that the high school football players thought it was cool to copy off the shy, awkward Asian kid who knew how to bubble in the right answers on his Scantron.

Contrast it with the year before, when I had just taken earth science in my small private Christian school in Korea and absolutely aced it. Yes, it was memorization back then too, but at least things weren't alive and moving. Rocks were rocks. Sedimentary or metamorphic or whatever. And I was also taking computer science for the first time, and somehow ended up loving it so much that I decided to major in it. The building blocks aren't asymmetrical, messy, skin-prickling cells, they're bits. Ones and zeros. Absolutely as clean and pristine as a baby's butt.

But living things are a different story, and they were just... boring for me. You just can't manipulate living things as easily. You wait, they grow. The whole thing is one long process. Whereas programs make the imagination come to life in seconds.

I was constantly saying: "Yeah, I don't like studying living things." And looking back, I wish my parents were farmers or something because I think I would have appreciated things that I never appreciated living in my college-town, clean-room, suburbian surroundings. I never appreciated life, or nature, or any of that.

I've never given much thought to abortion. You see, I hate conflict, and abortion is exactly one of those things that is sure to cause it. It doesn't matter who you're talking to. It's like talking about Christianity, the War in Iraq, Macs vs. PCs, Michigan and Ohio State, or the taste of the school lunch that day. For some reason, everyone has an opinion.

So... I just heard this short audio clip about abortion, and it triggered a thought in me.

The one big problem about the way I used to see the world is that I basically live in the Matrix. Everything is a number. Easily definable. Asians are smart, Macs suck, things made in China are cheap, everything with a Nike logo on it is instant quality.

But when you ask questions like... "Do you know your best friend? What's he like?" "Describe the beauty of nature." "Who are you? How have you changed in the past few years?" "How has God transformed your life?" There just isn't a simple answer. You can't put it in black or white. I always hated these questions, and it makes a lot of sense. English majors are good at this sorta thing, engineers absolutely hate it.

I think the biggest question in abortion is, "When is a life a life?" But trying to define that is like asking when a tree is a tree and not a seed or when a teenager is an adult or when spring becomes summer. You can't draw those lines. And even if you did, everyone's would be somewhat different. And I don't think we were meant to have the answer to those questions.

And as humans, we look for loopholes. I ask things like: "God, exactly how much do you want me to give? $13 or $14.20?" Or... "exactly how many days did God make the world in?" Or... "okay, so exactly how much do I need to work to get an A in this class?" (I've been struggling through thoughts like this these days. My heart doesn't exactly want to willingly love God. It would rather grudgingly serve and keep control of itself.)

But maybe, perhaps, God wants our hearts. Maybe he wants us to stop bickering about where to draw the line and learn what it means to love people. To love people who've been in hurtful relationships, to love those who have made mistakes, to love the unborn children, to love the pained mothers, the victims of rape, the rapists... and maybe at that point, just maybe, we might know what was actually right. Maybe then we'd really understand what it meant to appreciate the sanctity of life.

business and the world

I've been thinking a lot about whether a business can change the world. Undoubtedly, you can bring material possessions, more productivity, clean water, technology, medicine, all wonderful things. But I'm starting to believe that absolutely none of this will change a person's life enough for them to be happy.

"Now a confirmed atheist, I've become convinced of the enormous contribution that Christian evangelism makes in Africa: sharply distinct from the work of secular NGOs, government projects and international aid efforts. These alone will not do. Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people's hearts. It brings a spiritual transformation. The rebirth is real. The change is good… . Those who want Africa to walk tall amid 21st-century global competition must not kid themselves that providing the material means or even the knowhow that accompanies what we call development will make the change. A whole belief system must first be supplanted. And I'm afraid it has to be supplanted by another. Removing Christian evangelism from the African equation may leave the continent at the mercy of a malign fusion of Nike, the witch doctor, the mobile phone, and the machete."
- Matthew Parris, quoted in Christianity Today

free to fail

I grew up hearing these words a lot:

"How don't you even know that?"
"Figure it out, you don't need me."

And it's made me to shape a lot of the way I am. I remember many a time in high school when my classmates would be talking about something pop-culturey - and I was just not that cool.

You know that kid who nods his head and pretends to know what he's talking about, completely extrapolating everything from the context of the conversation, but absolutely has no clue what's going on? The one laughing his head off because everyone else in the room is laughing but when someone stops to ask him "So, why are you laughing?", he has no response and he gets flustered because he just wants to fit in.

After hearing it enough, he's too scared to ask questions, too scared to say "I don't know." He's scared to not be at the top of his game, scared that he's not good enough, and so he has to force it. He has to mimic what it means to have it put together, and try his best to keep it together. And with a little wit and a little luck, you can fool most of the world.

"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."
- John 3:20-21

It's a bright and freeing day when he realizes he doesn't have to be good enough to be loved. And we've all heard enough teen pop sensations singing about exactly this or guys saying things like that trying to seduce a girl. All very nice and fluffy. And I think to some extent you need to be demonstrated this love through people - but that's only half the picture, because you get a lot of people who are super nice and are always like, "Yeah, you're perfect just the way you are."

But he knows it's not true. He doesn't need someone else to lie to him - he needs a better reason. He needs to hear something different.

"You suck, you absolutely suck. But I have other reasons for loving you. I love you because I adopted you, before you knew what was happening, before you did anything to deserve it. I love you because that's who I am. And here, let me show it to you. 

I gave up what is most valuable to me so you can know who is most valuable. Me. I want you to know me. That's why you are loved. Not because you're beautiful just the way you are, but because I love you."

That's how much I understand of the gospel, so far. I can be me, not because "me" is good, but because "me" is fully loved. I will fail, but God is the lifter of my head; that I will get lost, but Jesus promises to walk alongside me.

The best part? I am free to fail.

until we all

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."
- Ephesians 4:11-13

Until we all. Until we all. Until we all. I'm going to try to remember this forever.

It's not about you, it's not about me. It's about us. It's so we can all agree on one thing, and know one man, one God, Jesus.

Until we all.

maybe i should've

gone to business school. I think that's how I think.

walk beside me

I feel as if one of the worst things you can say to someone is:

"Well, why don't you just fix the problem?"

So many implications in so short a phrase.

I had a conversation with a friend on Sunday, and I like to suggest ways that people can put their lives in order and be happier in general. But it's not in our hands to make such a change. Our lives are driven by His grace.

I get frustrated with people. Frustrated that they can't just pull their emotions together out of depression, frustrated that they can't just step outside their comfort zones and do something they don't feel like doing, frustrated that they break their promises, frustrated that they don't just study harder, frustrated that they spend so much time complaining about their circumstances, frustrated they can't just rejoice and sing praises to God. I oft feel the same way about myself.

How little our strength; how little our love for one another.

On SportsCenter today, they were talking about Tim Tebow and how much he sucks. Yes, I agree, he's definitely not a great quarterback. Not even above average. But one of the analysts said something like:

"What I don't understand is why Tebow doesn't just pull it together. He's a smart guy, he's a hard worker, he's responsible. Why can't he just fix his throwing motion? Why can't he just be a great NFL quarterback?"

In other words:

 "Well, why doesn't he just fix the problem?"

And I think this is it. No doubt he's doing his best, but we live in a grace-less world. What's amazing is that you can be a smart guy, a hard worker, do your best all the time, and still fall short of peoples' expectations. Of God's expectations.

And what this friend I talked to told me was that I was leaving him hanging. I told him to step out of his shell, I told him to find a means, to try harder, to work harder, because what he was now just wasn't good enough. I gave him a mountain to ascend with no path to the top; I gave him a river to cross with no raft. But perhaps most importantly, I gave him a struggle to suffer through, with no one to walk alongside him.

It's dang hard to love people unconditionally. God affirmed people when they were nobodies. So many prophets, so many people: Isaiah, Jeremiah, Moses, Gideon... Jesus loved the rag-tag group of nobodies he called his disciples before they were anyone great. But I think the greatest assurance of knowing Him is the simple promise that He will walk alongside us, no matter how far along we are:

"And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

I want to learn, similarly, to say that I am committed to loving people, even if they never become anybody, if they never turn out the way I'd like, and to walk them through instead of beckoning from the top of the hill.