never forget

When He rode into Jerusalem in triumph, we do not read that He disdained to confess that the humble fishermen were His followers. And “Now, though He reigns exalted on high, His love is still as great.” He still calls us Brethren, Friends! He still recognizes the kinship of the one blood. And yet, strange to say, we have known many Christians who have forgotten much of their love to Christ when they have risen in the world. “Ah,” said a woman who had been desirous to do much for Christ in poverty and who had had a great sum left her, “I cannot do as much as I used to do.” “But how is that?” asked one. She said, “When I had a shilling purse, I had a guinea heart, but now that I have a guinea purse, I have only a shilling heart.” It is a sad temptation to some men to get rich. They were con- tent to go to the Meeting House and mix with the ignoble congregation while they had but little. They have grown rich; there is an Oriental carpet in the drawing room—they now have arrangements too splendid to permit them to invite the poor of the flock, as once they did. And Christ Jesus is not so fashionable as to allow them to introduce any religious topic when they meet with their new friends. Besides this, they say they are now obliged to pay this visit and that visit—and they must spend so much time upon attire—and in maintaining their station and respectability, they cannot find time to pray as they did. The House of God has to be neglected for the party and Christ has less of their heart than He ever had. “Is this your kindness to your Friend?” And have you risen so high that you are ashamed of Christ? And have you grown so rich, that Christ in His poverty is despised? Alas, poor wealth! Alas, base wealth! Vile wealth! It were well for you if it should be all swept away if a descent to poverty would be a restoration to the ardency of your affection!

- Charles Spurgeon, Sermon #229, Love

This reflects how I feel at times these days. Perhaps I feel I have grown so important and rich and high and mighty that I forget those who are broken and in need and where I came from.

even if

I decided to change the name of this blog. As a reminder of the truth that God is teaching me, that to ascribe worth to God (i.e. to worship), is to say, "even if." I don't want to be all pretentious and out there by having some fancy name for my blog, but I'm hoping it serves as a reminder that true worship is unshaken by circumstance.

I've been learning what it means to be a "worship leader," but the greatest training hasn't come from becoming a better musician or knowing what to do or say at the right moments. The greatest lesson came when I saw someone lose what was most precious to them, and yet they still fought on and believed God was worthy. Without having played a note of music, they led me in worship.

Should I ever be abandoned
Should I ever be acclaimed
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame

There's a name I will remember
There's a name I will proclaim
Let it be, let it be Jesus

naming

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/to-name-the-world

This is fascinating article.

It makes a whole lot of sense. And it makes me think that to name a child is a profound thing, and so is doing research - where we often try to make sense of the world by categorizing and organizing it into models.

testing, testing

I realize that you can read the Bible and find that Jesus would pretty much be amazing at any job. For example, The Master Plan of Evangelism explains how Jesus is a mastermind by entrusting the entire future of the faith into 12 incompetent disciples and then giving them Holy Spirit to carry it out. Every great CEO, teacher, doctor, parent, firefighter, policemen, judge, lawyer and engineer are but shadows of Christ.

And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, "He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak." (Mark 7:37)

I also happen to believe that Jesus would make the best programmer alive, because he knows about TDD.

TDD stands for "Test-Driven Development", and it's a method of programming (and it's pretty dang effective). There's 5 steps to this process:

1) Add a test.
2) Run all tests, make sure the new one fails.
3) Write some code.
4) Run tests.
5) Refactor code.

Then you repeat.

TDD really works because you never fix something until you're sure it's broken. And until you add a test in, you don't realize that something isn't working.

We hate it when the tests come in our lives, and when we fail those new tests. We realize we weren't a finished product, and it hurts to realize that we aren't perfect. But the beautiful thing is that it leaves God room to write some new code, polish and spruce up what wasn't working before.

TDD only works because you make sure the code will fail the new test. It really helps to know that we were meant to fail the tests:

"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." (Romans 3:20)

Because that's the only way that we can be changed, and that's where God can rewire us from trusting in our own flesh to looking to the Cross where He refactored everything. We no longer get what we deserve, because Jesus got what He didn't deserve. We get what we didn't deserve, because Jesus got what He didn't deserve.

reentry

I've always hated space movies.

My family (especially my dad) had an obsession with Tom Hanks movies, so I grew up watching and hearing quotes from Apollo 13, Castaway and Forrest Gump over and over and over again. Apollo 13 in particular terrified me to no end - the thought of being a cosmic drifter for eternity was unsettling.

In the movie, Jim Lovell, the main character, is focused on his one mission to make it to the moon. But there's some dramatic irony there as the movie isn't really about getting to the moon. The plot revolves more around his family and all he's leaving behind...

---

This past week, I've learned a lot about myself. There were some responsibilities I had, and my irresponsibility ended up dumping the burden on other people. I had an argument with my parents because I want to go to Indonesia and they thought it was too dangerous. I had fears concerning the next few years of my life, knowing that the road will only get steeper.

All these situations exposed that I had been living in isolation. I didn't realize that when I drop a ball, someone else has to pick it up. I didn't realize that failing to communicate my intentions and situation fully with my parents meant that they would make faulty assumptions about where I was going and what I was doing. I didn't realize that there were people around me who are willing to carry my burdens and fears with me and who are directly influenced by my decisions and actions, and that I am as much affected by their decisions and actions though I've fought my whole life to be completely self-sufficient.

I spent my life shooting for the moon. Training to jump into a rocket and launching off as far away as I could from people, basking in my own glory and hoping I'd be recognized by the world. My aspiration has been to impress the world, not to relate with it.

I'd become an astronaut. Lost in space. Alone in space.

---

Lovell is shipped off into space with his two partners, and everything goes wrong. And in the days he spent shuddering in the cold isolation of outer space, he discovers what actually matters.

Jim: "Gentlemen, what are your intentions?"

[Jack Swigert and Fred Haise turn around and stare at Lovell]

Jim: "I'd like to go home."

When the astronauts finally find a way to return home, they strap themselves in their seats for a bumpy ride. Reentry meant that the command module they were in would heat up significantly as it plunged through the atmosphere. The external temperature of the module could heat up to 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit, but the temperature inside the command module remained cool; most of the heat being absorbed by the heat shield surrounding the module that would erode away as the descent progressed.

The fall comes to an end in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Rescue ships arrive to bring the astronauts safely home.

---

It's time for reentry. I see the heat coming. Circumstances, responsibilities, difficulties, hardships, and trials. But the temperature remains cool - because whatever comes my way externally, I have a heat shield:

"The Lord is my strength and my shield..." (Psalm 28:7)

"He answered and said, 'But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.'" (Daniel 3:25)

"...when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." (Isaiah 43:2b)

The module ultimately lands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. And that's where I'd like to find myself at the end of this next season of life. An ocean of grace, love, and people.

"If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." (How He Loves, John Mark McMillan)

be the best

http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/pete-briscoe/

"It's exhausting being the best."

This is a video I shared with my LIFE group this past week. If there's anything I'm being reminded of in this season of life, it's the truth that success doesn't bring us closer to God, but it can quite easily become a wall we put up against him.

In January, I saw a picture of myself listing all that I had accomplished in life on a scroll. I stood facing the scroll and wrote line after line of what I had done. And as I wrote, the scroll was slowly being unwound and it grew longer and longer. Right behind the scroll stood Jesus, who longed to give me grace and look on me with eyes of love. Yet the longer the scroll became, the more of Him it obscured. The challenge in the moment was to throw the scroll in the flames.

I believe it's worth it.

For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh—though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:3-11)