blind man walking

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. But those who trust in idols, who say to images, 'You are our gods,' will be turned back in utter shame.... Who is blind like the one committed to me, blind like the servant of the Lord? You have seen many things, but have paid no attention; your ears are open, but you hear nothing."
- Isaiah 42:16-17, 42:19b-20

I had a rough past week. I hate not understanding anything. I tried to process the gospel in my mind, but I couldn't. I tried to grasp the meaning of life, but still couldn't. It felt like a complete jumble... and I was just going through the motions.

But whatever I can or cannot process in my mind and emotions, I know this: "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:30-31)

Faith is so valuable. I love the idea of being blind and following God. I think it's amazing to trust in Him who loves, who knows, and who created us, who sustains our every moment, and is even now writing out the beautiful story of each and every life.

And these days, I just can't take myself away from His promises to be our shepherd and guide. I first heard Psalm 23 in 1st grade and it was just a dry, old memory passage back then (so was 99% of the Bible) - but it's filled with so much hope when I look at it now - "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" - what are we but blind men and hungry sheep in trustworthy hands?

I got an e-mail today from the University asking for submissions on the topic: "Is there anyone left to trust?" I'm so tempted to e-mail them and let them know - we can only trust in Jesus.

This semester, the College of Literature, Science & Arts has a theme entitled "What Makes Life Worth Living?" There is no worldly answer. In spite of all our humanist ideals, we are nothing but arrogant, disobedient children ignoring our Father's pleas for trust.

And to know that even when all is taken away - our knowledge, our strength, our idols and all else we cling to and trust - that even when we have nothing, we are still God's: that is where I can find real hope.

I want to be as a blind man walking, having nothing but Christ before me, who lights my way, clears my path, and will never forsake me. I want to follow wherever He will take me.

prayers

One Way to Avoid Vain Repetition

I realize I need to pray this every day. I feel like I'm all good and well if I take care of my duty and solemnly remain in a reflective spirit, but to be honest there is so much more than that. Yet nothing I do or fail to do will cause my heart to change.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
- Ezekiel 36:26

God changes hearts, and I need to realize He is a Father who is willing to give. One thing I heard today was that the character of the Islamic idea of god is that he is rather "capricious." (SAT word..)

capricious - adj. characterized by or subject to whim; impulsive and unpredictable

What I imagine of such a god: "Eh, you're heading to hell... and this other one? Because he picked the right brand of bubble gum yesterday I'm going to send him up to heaven."

God isn't subject to whims; He makes promises, He makes plans, and He follows through. If He promises you a new heart, you're getting one, one way or another.

I just Googled "God keeps His promises" and there are plenty of references, like part of Hebrews 6:18: "...it is impossible for God to lie."

And trusting in God's promises isn't too easy, but it's interesting when you think to how much stories and testimonies of God's work are so interesting because people are guided by someone they cannot see, and are not motivated by what they know.

Confession: I'm generally (99.5% of the time) motivated by what I know.

But considering Abraham who was told to sacrifice his son on the altar? He learned his lesson after perhaps two other times when he made his own plans to get that son who would be the beginning of his great lineage... And after a couple screw-ups, God gives him another chance, and he follows through in faith, not knowing what will happen. And interestingly enough, God doesn't actually make him sacrifice Isaac.

Same thing in Isaiah 38 - God tells Hezekiah to get his stuff together because he's gonna die soon. Hezekiah starts praying... because it makes sense that if you're gonna die soon there's nothing more important than prayer. He has absolutely no idea what's going to happen. He just prays.

Hezekiah: “Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly." (Isaiah 38:4)

And God answers: “Go and tell Hezekiah, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city." (Isaiah 38:5-6)

God answers.

moving

http://chrisjbaik.tumblr.com/

"they scored!"

Memories from last year's Iowa game:

Walking home to watch the Iowa game; I called David Lee (Class of 2013), and asked, how's the game going?

David: "Dude, this game is going so well! They scored!"
me: "Who scored?"
David: "They did!"
me: "Why are you so happy about it?"
David: "Because they scored!"
me: "What? WHO scored?"
David: "Donovan Warren caught a pick, and returned it!"
me: "So you mean, we scored..."
David: "No, they scored."
me: "They, as in who?"
David: "MICHIGAN!"
me: "MICHIGAN IS WE, NOT THEY!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!"

Most frustrating phone conversation of '09-'10 school year.

take heart and die to yourself

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
- John 16:33

"He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels."
- Revelation 3:5

"Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."
- Romans 6:8-10

Something I heard at retreat:

What do you do with those who have already died to themselves? If you threaten to kill, they are willing to die for what they believe... if you leave them to live, they continue to preach the gospel.

If you have already surrendered your idols and know the Lord gives and takes away, what is there to fear?

morning

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
- Lamentations 3:22-23

"And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts."
 - 2 Peter 1:19

Do you ever think to how amazing mornings are? I love mornings.

It's sad that as undergrads, we gravitate towards a nocturnal lifestyle.. and on top of that, the night life is so hyped up that we expect everything to come of it. We stay up late, doing our "fun" thing, then we wake up feeling absolutely miserable. What's more, we miss the morning.

And I wondered today if the only reason the night is so glorified in our conversations and lifestyles is because we've never experienced the morning. We've never gotten up early to see the dew, feel the freshness, see the sunrise, or bask in the quiet of the dawn. Instead, we listen to loud music, yell across the street to each other, fight off sleepiness so that we can waste time, and refuse to look beyond ourselves. Then we go to bed.

What the world is missing is the morning; the light shining in the dark place; the day that is dawning. We sleep through it, consumed by our own passions, fears, and anxieties... We can never look beyond ourselves to find a reason to wake. We're missing out.

The morning is where we see the beauty of creation, the night is where we see the constructs of mankind. And my hope is that God will help us see that neon lights and glowing screens mean nothing compared to the glory of the sun rising every morning.

P.S. Jesus is like our mom. He wakes us up because we need to, even when we don't feel like it.

P.P.S. And by the way, don't you think it odd that when we wake up, we wipe the slate from the day before clean? As in - sometimes, the things you were feeling, the questions of the day before are gone when you get up. His mercies are new every morning.

astound me

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.'"

- Isaiah 29:13-14

Two things pop in my mind when I read these two verses.

1) How many times have I sang songs in church because people expected me to be there or out of obligation?

A lot.

2) Oh, wow. God's promising to do amazing things - to "astound" us. I just read a post (What Do Our Souls Eat?) about thriving on God's promises, which, coupled with faith in God, gives us hope. Hope. I don't see too much of it in anyone these days. But He promises to astound us beyond the scope of our intelligence and wisdom, which is awesome. Because usually when I am clear of the grasp of my intelligence, I take pride in my wisdom. And then I'm so full of myself. It's awesome that God's work is going to blow that all away.

I'm excited.

void

Something I've been noticing recently is the feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

I always used to wonder what people meant when they said we had a "God-shaped void" in our hearts. Sure, it made logical sense, but it didn't really click. I'm only now discovering I've always had that void.

When I come home from getting stuck having fun and just "acting crazy" (as I tend to do at times), or when I'm just stuck showing off, playing guitar and singing, or when I play sports for pride, or when I'm playing video games to empty my mind, I attempt to fill that void. Usually when I get done with any of those things, I'm left feeling drier and emptier than when I began. Then I jump to the next thing, and the next, and the next... and I could go on forever.

The absolute last thought on my mind is to seek God in those times. But that's exactly what I need. I can't think of a fitting analogy, except that we as people tend to do this a lot. We claw after everything that might temporarily tide us over, and as we dig ourselves deeper into a ditch, we end up asking for God to come save us in the end. What would it be like if we just knew that being with Him to begin with was worth everything?