victory

I think I understand the gospel through some odd mix of the Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and Harry Potter. Perhaps heretical, definitely not conservative... but those books are deep.

There is this one point in the Lord of the Rings trilogy when good and evil are warring at Helm's Deep... And the epic charge that the men and elves make when everything seems darkest is in the hope of the dawn.

They fight valiantly and recklessly, but with hope.

And we fight the enemy. We fight our own sinful nature. The death seems to bind us and we feel like we're overtaken, overrun, hopeless and distraught. But the light dawns and we see our hope and our hero (for us, not Gandalf, but Jesus). And the enemy is feeble. The enemy is drawn to its knees. They thought they had taken our only hope, but He rose from the dead. O death, where is your sting?

The battle is already won, and right now, we're just clearing the mess.

broken is better, part 2

And whatever I said about people, I now say about God.

He wants to know our questions, our doubts, our complaints. Because that's what keeping it real means.

He doesn't want the ideal Chris who speaks prayers that sound good, but the real Chris. He wants that, even if it's ugly. And he's pretty okay with being friends with the ugly one. Not because I'm anything worth looking at or hanging out with. And even if I can't possibly meet up to anyone's expectations, and even trying to no longer meet up to expectations ends up being an expectation that I'm trying to meet (do you see this deathly cycle here?), Jesus loved me and died for me. And that's proof that God wants to be friends. His arms are open wide.

broken is better

Redemption is beautiful.

I live a life full of perfect, pristine, and non-confrontational relationships. But the closest people in my life are the people I've fought, argued, or had some kind of tension with.

This past week I've had a few moments where I've just wanted to flip out at people. And I'm really thankful, because I'm no longer trying to create relationships that are somehow perfect. I'm finally realizing how human I am. And I am literally moved to tears in ways I've never been because of the way that people forgive me. It is worth a hundred times more than staying politely distant and cordial.

now

One of the deepest deceptions is the one that cries, "There's always later."

Someone sent me a sermon from John Piper, and it's actually really interesting. But the conclusion is about the danger of sin. The things we brush aside. And I can think of plenty of examples from my own life.

1) When I'm addicted to something, seemingly as harmless as a video game or as shameful as pornography, the thing that circles my mind is always "I can stop whenever I want." And then I go do it. I hear people say they're going to quit all the time, and they never do. I hear people feel okay about doing something, and then all empty and guilty afterward.

That's what it feels like to be in bondage, to be in chains. Freedom is being free from sin, not free to sin.

2) When I tell myself, "I can always serve God later," or when friends say, "I'm studying really hard so I can glorify God with the money I make later," I ask the question, "If you're not doing it now, why later?" The Bible tells us we don't even know what's coming tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1), and that means that my plans are my god, money is my god, and God is relegated to a corner to be my convenient excuse.

3) When I'm doing a Bible study or hearing a sermon, there's always some sort of application to follow at the end. I often don't bother doing it. But again, if I'm not living it out now, I probably never will.

I've been doing some thinking about where I'm headed in the future, but God is probably more concerned with where I am now and what I'm doing with what I have. And I have a bit of changing to do to live it out to the fullest now.

haven't posted in a while

So I just thought I'd leave a small note.

I love life. I'm busy 24 hours a day, but to know that God has my life in His hands... it's enough.

I'm thankful, because when I ask God for His heart, He gives it to me.

"He who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, who reveals his thoughts to mankind, who turns dawn into darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth - the LORD God Almighty is his name."
- Amos 4:13

I asked for intimacy, and I feel so close. Because I understand a small piece of how much it hurts for Him to see people blinded by the things that won't ever satisfy. The things that always demand more but offer nothing, when He's offering everything. Himself.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
- Psalm 37:4

I saw a dad carrying his kid into an ice cream shop. They were smiling at each other. And something about it just made my heart melt. I just understood - God wants that. Sounds sappy, but He just wants to dance with us, to smile and have us enjoy Him the same way He enjoys us - the same way He delights in His people.

And I'm understanding that He doesn't want me to just see church as tasks: I need to grow, other people need to grow, non-Christians need to be evangelized to... His heart is for people. For relationships. For love. Everything is summed up in loving God and loving people. And that doesn't mean that we have to try to get something done, it means we wait and we watch because God will pull through.

It's so cool, because God does display His love through people. And I never understood it until the end of this past semester in our last LIFE group gathering. I didn't believe it, but enough people shared, "God displays His love through people," that I actually felt it. God is there when we declare how good He is.

"It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them."
- Hosea 11:3-4