Jennifer Knapp Comes Clean
Not that I even knew who Jennifer Knapp was or listened to her music, but this one makes me think, too. And the 26 pages of comments reveal a lot about how hard it is to have a theologically sound faith.
I know that I've been drenched in grace, and as I accept that grace, how does that change me? I believe that Christ sanctifies me, that God gives me no temptation greater than that I can face (1 Corinthians 10:13). And if this is true, how am I to face the temptations that come my way?
The thing that tears me apart the most is premeditated sin. The sins where I spend a few minutes or hours or days rationalizing as to whether I should or not (completely ignoring what God wants of me), and then end up giving in. And I feel like I'm beyond forgiveness. But have I somehow thwarted the cross and out-sinned God's grace, or have I intentionally turned my back on my Father? How then, can I get back, if not for His grace?
"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
- Luke 9:23
By the way, one comment in particular mentioned about how we turn a blind eye to sins like greed and gossip while we make such a ruckus about homosexuality. I agree. I pray God opens our eyes and frees us from these, too.
P.S. I'm very self-absorbed/proud. Someone remind me, because if I become someone famous I think that might be the downfall of me.
Jesus Christ cartoon in development at Comedy Central
My first reaction is to get all angry and defensive. I wonder why.
I don't think it's particularly because of anything except the fact that my pride is wounded. I take pride in identifying with Jesus, and mocking Jesus knocks down my pride. I feel like my main motivation is really the fact that I want so desperately to be right about faith that any challenge that comes up against that, including satire, is something that needs to be shot down.
I react the same way when someone takes a jab at Christians or church or makes a comment about how God doesn't exist. I would rather be right than love someone.
Being the person that I am, I scrolled down and read a bunch of the comments... I have a love-hate relationship with reading religiously-charged comment threads. But anyway, reading through it I wonder whether I'm supposed to defend or fight against offensive media. I still don't know.
Being angry or defensive never got anyone anywhere though.
I'm home for a few weeks in Korea, and something just struck me here in the living room.
People aren't kidding when they say that it changes things just to be in someone's presence. I was never aware of it, but I enjoy being home. Even when I'm not really interacting with my parents, I just like to sit here and bask in a distinct comfort, not unlike the comfort of knowing that Michigan football is safely up by three touchdowns in the 4th. I'm comfortable.
And I could make the obvious tie-back to the moral of this lesson, but that would be stupid.
"Prior to meeting Mrs. Nolan, I'd never been disliked by anyone before, especially an older woman. Old women fell head over heels for me. I didn't even have to try--it just happened. I thought I had a gift. As soon as I walked into church, women over the age of thirty-four threw candy at my feet like I was Mick Jagger and the Tootsie Rolls were underwear. But Mrs. Nolan was indifferent to the charm other women saw in me. She wasn't impressed with me.
I really needed her to be impressed.
At my church and school, perception was everything. How people viewed you was much more important than how you actually were. The truth didn't matter. What people believed to be the truth mattered. I learned early on that if everybody believed I was the well-behaved, good-natured boy without a sin in the world, it didn't matter what the truth was. The truth was secondary to a person's opinion or perception of the truth. It was all about good PR, and prior to having Mrs. Nolan as a teacher, nobody stared at me too closely."
- "Churched," Matthew Paul Turner
This book is turning out to be a biography of my life. Hahahahaha.
"Now the tax collectors and 'sinners' were all gathering around to hear him. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, 'This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.'
Then Jesus told them this parable: 'Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep." I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.'"
- Luke 15:1-7
Life is like being a sheep with ADD. Do you wonder how this sheep got lost? Probably because he forgot that the day before, Mr. Shepherd fed him, led him to greener pastures, and protected him from Mr. Big Bad Wolf.
A friend wrote in my journal at one point (paraphrased): "Chris, you are wretched. But what does it mean to be irreplaceable in spite of that wretchedness?"
When that was inscribed into my journal, I was depressed and I didn't really get the meaning of the statement, and perhaps I still don't. But it makes sense in light of this sheep parable. That one sheep is irreplaceable. None of the other 99 sheep, regardless of how similar they look, act, or what quality wool they provide, is exactly that lost sheep. That lost sheep is special. The shepherd will go out of his way to find that sheep, and rejoice when it is found. (I imagine that he has kind of the same pleasure I get when I'm looking for like... my favorite book and I can't find it for hours until my mom gets fed up with me peering under every piece of furniture that she goes and finds my book for me.)
And when I am carried back by my shepherd, I follow. But then I get distracted by the world and its crown jewels, by the dazzling freedom that the open range seems to provide. A few days, weeks, or months later, I find myself in a ditch. In a mudslide. In a rut. And I gotta be carried back again.
Such is the fate of the ADD sheep.
"I knew I was incapable of moving mountains with my faith. I had tried that summer when my mother and father took me on my first camping trip to the Appalachian Mountains in Virginia. As soon as the mountains popped up over the horizon on Highway 66, I began testing the abilities of my faith by commanding mountain after mountain to move.
'I have faith, I have faith, I have faith,' I repeated over and over again, something I'd seen a black preacher do on television. He hadn't moved a mountain, but he did make a woman's diabetes disappear. Since it worked for him, I figured it might work for me. When I was really certain that I possessed the necessary faith, I pointed my finger at the mountain of choice and yelled, 'MOVE, MOUNTAIN, MOVE!' I did this about thirty times. On one occasion I thought I'd made one of the mountains disappear, which got me very excited, since I thought that might be even better than making one move. But after bragging about it to my father, it reappeared a mile later."
- "Churched", Matthew Paul Turner
