:)

Two exciting songs.. that start out.. the same.

Check this at 0:18:


And this at 0:24:

Chris

easter

I've been swinging through a lot of ups and downs (mostly the latter) recently, and through it all I've just been disappointed and mad at God because I forgot who He is.

I've never questioned God's sovereignty. It doesn't bother me so much that bad things happen in the world while God is supposed to be in control. For some reason, I just don't question it. But what it does make me question is - does that sovereign, slightly distant God care about me?

Because my fear, in the midst of not understanding anything, not being able to process the gospel despite my best efforts and greatest hopes, is that God just doesn't want me. It's an exclusive club I can't be a part of.

But this past weekend, God just reminded me who He was. If I took a few minutes to read through the Bible and tried to get to know Him, I'd have understood earlier. And I'm bound to forget again.

I'm learning that God's not looking for an opportunity to kick me out of His presence; He's reaching out to draw me in. He's not making me miserable because He's vindictive; He's doing it to refine me and teach me how to bear His fruit. And just because I don't want to be in a situation doesn't mean it's not for His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

It strikes me that in Gethsemane, as Jesus prayed, I think He didn't really want to die on a cross. "If it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." (Matthew 26:42).

I don't want to feel like life sucks, but if it's part of what God wants to do, then let Him do it. Because He is good, slow to anger, abounding in love. And I'll wait.

This song was from the Easter service slideshow, and wow, I love the lyrics:
'Cause I was always worried I was gonna let You down, 'til I got to know You

Chris

i love my family

Chris

and additionally...

And tacking on to that last post, I'm gonna say:
"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power."
- 1 Corinthians 2:4-5
And... read the funniest 2 verses of my life today:
"The Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor his mother what he had done. Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her."
- Judges 14:6-7
Really? "He liked her"? So anticlimactic...

Chris

be a laughingstock

Often, I find myself really frustrated because I can't understand the gospel, nor can I convey it in a way that makes sense.

But I want to be a laughingstock. For if it made sense to the world, then this would not be true:
"This is why I speak to them in parables:
'Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.'"
- Matthew 13:13
Right this moment, I'm okay with it not making sense to me or to the world.

Knowing God is the best thing in life. God loves us more than we can ever know, because He sent His Son to die for us, so that we could be free from ourselves, the desires of the world, and the sin that will keep us from God. He died to make a way back to the Father, by being our righteousness and defense. He died so that the chains of sin would be broken. He died as our ransom to the kingdom of darkness, so that we could be free to serve the kingdom of light. He died so that we could receive Him and trust in Him to change our hearts to return to Him. And so I turn to love and seek Jesus, because He's my hope for change, He's the only good thing on my permanent record, and because nothing in this world can satisfy me like the presence of God.

And this morning, Psalm 71 really spoke to me. I'm really thankful because I've been anxious and confused the past week. God is faithful - if we wait on Him, He will not let us be put to shame.
"My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long -
though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come."
- Psalm 71:15-18

Chris

when you're in love...

A few excerpts from Francis Chan's Crazy Love, Chapter 6 ("When You're in Love"):

"'The critical question for our generation - and for every generation is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?'"
- John Piper, God is the Gospel

"The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans. Something mysterious, even supernatural must happen in order for genuine love for God to grow in our hearts. The Holy Spirit has to move in our lives."

"When you are pursuing love, running toward Christ, you do not have opportunity to wonder, Am I doing this right? or Did I serve enough this week? When you are running toward Christ, you are freed up to serve, love, and give thanks without guilt, worry, or fear. As long as you are running, you are safe."

"In reality, not one of us will ever be worthy. It is useless to attempt earning it; you will never feel ready. It is unknown and uncomfortable. But there really is a God who forgives everything and loves endlessly."

I love this chapter. This is all that matters in life, when you're in love. Loving God is the greatest joy in life - sometimes we don't believe it, but we need God for that. And Jesus died so that we could be set free from sin to experience that joy.

Chris

brace yourself...

I was super tired today. At one point I fell asleep on the bus on what was definitely a 20-second nap, and when I opened my eyes, everyone was getting off. I was confused. That describes most of my day... and yet, tired as I might be, it ended on a good note during LIFE group after a Bible study that I stumbled through in a stupor...

This is my prayer for the next few weeks:
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you...
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. Look with favor on Zion and help her; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit - with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings. Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.
- Psalm 51:12-13, 16-19 (NLT)
The theme of this semester has definitely been "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1) for me. And as Christ works in me "to will and to act according to His good purpose" (Philippians 2:13), I pray He'll teach me to obey Him, to make His ways known to rebels, and to return them to Him. To be used for His glory like that.

And this psalm we read at the end of LIFE group today just seems to tie it all together. In spite of all the "you don't know what you're asking for"s I've gotten from people, I've been sensing and praying for brokenness. God will not reject a broken and repentant heart. And that's exactly the kind of living sacrifice I want to be.

Make it happen, God.

Chris

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