utter failures.

Looking on Christianity, it's so difficult to grasp the idea that I must depend on Christ alone, and place my faith in Him.

Of the things that C.S. Lewis writes about, one thing that I can now attest to is that I am an utter failure. When I have hope that I, through my own righteousness, can be perfect, then I can not trust in Him fully. But today I've experienced and lived through the fact that my own will against temptation is weak, that it is impossible for me, through my own volition, to resist all temptation.

Simply, I cannot and I will not ever be perfect.

So when I say I want to throw away my pride, that I want to depend solely on Him, it is a moot statement. I know that my own strength is never enough - there will never be hope for me and my sinful nature. And what have I to give up, when it is already all His?

So, to put a long story short... I'm an utter failure. The sad thing is that I know that I'm going to need a constant reminder that I am indeed such an utter failure. All I can do is ask Him for guidance.