broken and beautiful

One of these times, I remember partnering with a sister and going around chalking different events on the floor. We had a few interesting conversations as we tried to get to know each other. One of them went something like this:

Sister: "What do you like to do in your free time?"

This I had to ponder for a moment given that I don't give myself copious amounts of free time.

Me: "Umm... What do you think I'd like to do?"

Sister: "Read. Play video games."

Me: "Wow. I feel judged. Why isn't it like 'play sports' or 'go explore'?"

Turns out, she was right. I reserved some free time for myself today to take a break, and what's refreshed me most has been to sit at a coffee shop and catch up on a stack of books on my to-read list.

As I was doing that, I bumped into an old acquaintance. I didn't want to approach him at first because I wanted my "alone time", but I was reading a book about evangelism. Go figure, I have an opportunity to talk to someone I'm not as comfortable with as I'm reading a book about reaching out.

I feel as if I've had my fair share of chance encounters with fellow believers that are super encouraging, and this one was no different. He shared about the things that he'd been through and his recent baptism. He hadn't had the greatest relationships with people in different churches he had been a part of, but I got to hear how he'd been more involved in a church in recent days and had been able to serve and speak into people's lives - and from the dark place I'd seen him in before, it was a beautiful thing to hear. The one thing that made tears well up in my eyes was when he shared what he went through as he was getting baptized - I will paraphrase here because of my horrendous memory.

As I stepped foot into the water, suddenly my whole body went weak. I didn't realize until later but God had a reason for doing this. People around me always saw me as the strong man, but as I looked back and I could barely stand in that pool and had to grab onto others, I knew what God was saying:

"One, I don't want someone official. Two, I don't want someone strong. I want the orphan. I want you, the way you were born into this world."

His family history wasn't pretty - he'd been through a lot and had been orphaned at a young age. But he shared this beautiful nugget of good news with me - that God did not want the polished versions of him, but the broken orphan.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18)

He reminded me that what God wants from us is our brokenness and honest confessions instead of our pride and sacrifices. It's something I needed in this busy season.