The relationship between sleep and awake-ness is definitely sinusoidal.
Note: The axes labels are switched. :)
I say this because I'm operating on around 30 minutes of sleep right now, on account of it being really humid in my apartment last night and my leg acting up... It's fun to sleep and hear Andrew talking to himself sometimes though... saying things like "I can't sleep! Ughhhh!"
So I got no sleep, but I'm still awake. I'm impressed with myself, too. On account of the fact that I should've been working all day and didn't, I guess I shouldn't be too proud.
* One inspiring prayer:
I tried Lord
I tried Lord
I tried hard to be Your good little boy
Chin up, head high
All zeal and no joy
Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus
Boy, was I wrong
Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong
And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease
A life spent wanting to please
On hands and knees
To make right, to appease
God help me please
This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be
The whole thing’s like insanity
Where’s the rest of eternal security?
Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities?
Certainly this isn’t breathing
My chest burning and heaving
It’s like my pulse is ceasing
Like my heart quits beating
Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:
You died, Lord
You died, Lord
Assuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on
Drowning out my bitter songs
And breaking through walls and barriers
Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her
So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:
There’s only one thing that pleases the Father
The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers
Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers
And I’m finally free in the love of the Father
- Not Without Love (Benediction) - Jimmy Needham
I take life and define it by the things I need to do.
Life's bland. All we have is our work, our prayers, our time spent with other people and sometimes with God. What makes the time we spend worthwhile? What makes the people we spend time with worthwhile?
My greatest fear in life is becoming like someone.
If someone tells me I'm like or I look like someone in some way, the first thing I do is see what has happened in their life. And as I do that, much of the time I see and observe how their life has taken a turn for the better in a worldly sense and for the worse in the spiritual sense.
That is my greatest fear. That I turn out to be like those I resemble the most. I am scared that I am following my willbe path rather than my wannabe path. I want to be on fire for the things that are right, and I know it's tough. And I'm tempted so much of the time to turn to the alternative.
Some Hollywood movies aptly describe this fear I have. There's so many stories about "be all you can be," "don't let others define who you are"; about the children who fear becoming like their fathers so much that they end up becoming exactly that. I don't want to be like those who have strayed off the narrow path. When can I learn to entrust myself to God?
The biggest pain of believing in something is when other people don't believe in it.
There's selfish reasoning - if I'm wrong, I wasted my time.
There's selfless reasoning - if they're wrong, they wasted their time.
I spend all too much time fearing for other people - trying to fix their lives somehow, trying to get them back to the truth. But it's not going to happen on my own will and strength.
It all comes down to trust. If I'm able to trust in the ones I love, then they are given a chance to be faithful. Now it's time for me to trust in the One I love, that He'll be faithful. What do we always pray for, anyway?
is not to be attained.
Eternal life is a gift.
Don't try to pay for it.
Gifts are given out of free will, and some measure of sacrifice (monetary, time, thought) is put into it. As we were going through missions training today, we spoke about how eternal life is a free gift from God. God sacrificed the glory of living in eternity to become a man, and then lived his entire life without looking back - as Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And when we believe that we ourselves can get into heaven through things we do, we spit in the face of the giver by attempting to pay for the gift. The freely given gift.
Something's happened like this in my own life. As popular as I was (except not really), there was this girl in elementary who chased me around trying to give me a jar of origami stars she made. I refused it (because I can't handle cooties, especially in the shape of origami stars), and then when she forced it upon me, I took it and threw it away. Yes, I am a terrible person; I have no heart.
So how does God feel when he lovingly gift-wraps his Son as a sacrifice for us, only to have us take it and attempt to pay for it and earn it, or even worse, to dump it in the trash?
P.S. I don't think it should stop with us just receiving though. We receive gifts thankfully, we respond not by paying for the gift, but giving gifts back in our own love.
I've been going through missions training every morning (including morning prayer) from 6:30 am to 10:00 am (but realistically, it's more like 6:00 am to 10:00 am considering the time I walk to the T-Center...).
It's been good. Sometimes I feel like all of this would make a lot more sense and would sink into my brain a lot better if we did it at 1:00 pm instead, but of course, that would destroy a lot of the discipline involved. If I really want to learn about Christ and God's Word, I should be prepared to do it everyday. And even if I doze off for a minute during morning prayer and pray for the roof to be made of eggs (as I ramble on praying with my dreams...), I am gradually learning to discipline myself. For "no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)
The worst part about it to me though, is the repetition I seem to be going through. Not only in terms of the daily early-morning routine, but because I often think my spiritual life has ups and downs recurring in cycles - getting bitter, apathy, repenting, growing, being joyful. I feel terrible that I make the same mistakes over and over - I wish that I wasn't so fickle and sometimes I would stick the way I was. But alas, I am human, it is not to be.
P.S. This morning I woke up and walked all over campus to see www.mormon.org chalked all over. Wonder how many people in how many other religions actually have true faith that they believe the truth? Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Do Mormons go to heaven?
