even if

I asked him where he was coming from and he boldly stated that he was coming from prayer time and that he goes to Jummah prayer every Friday.

Sometimes I'm far too timid about my faith.

I told him I'd talk to him after the game, so afterward I headed over and asked him if he was indeed a very devout Muslim.

He replied, "I try to be. I try my hardest... But I still sin sometimes."

That statement broke my heart, and I know it breaks God's. I wonder how many Christians feel this way; that the only way out of condemnation is to avoid sin by our own effort. I didn't share the gospel with him then, because he was heading out. I don't know how much he needed to hear it then and there. I'll label it a missed opportunity.

It reminded me how long it's been since I've just gone out, willing and open to share the gospel with anyone who's willing to hear. My heart for evangelism has grown stale, and as I talked with people I realized how much I'd forgotten to be prepared to share the gospel even in my own workplace and neighborhood.

God, keep me on my toes. Feet fitted with readiness of the gospel of peace; always prepared to give a reason for my hope.

I feel like writing a commentary of the Bible today. This is my best (informal) biblical commentary voice.

The beatitudes struck me as immense promises. That those who are poor in spirit, those who mourn, those who are meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, those who are merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers, and persecuted because of righteousness will inherit the kingdom of God. For the greater gift, we are to abandon things of this world. That makes it a little easier to consider, but it's still a daunting thing to live out, at least by man's strength.

The laws that Jesus set out in the latter part of this chapter blow me away. I think seeing God wick away my own false self-confidence as of late has my mind blown at the expectations of God. To reconcile so easily, to love enemies, to hate your own body if it causes you to sin, to avoid divorce, to make no oaths and to keep your word. I finished the chapter awed at the impossibility of it all. It can only produce a different response if you have an immense faith in human righteousness. I do not.

As the standard is so high, I am tempted to discount all of it and just live life the way I am. But I don't think the standard is there for a one-shot perfectionist to achieve. It is to remind us that: first, Christ did have this righteousness, and so we can have faith in our eternal justification; second, Christ dwells in us, enabling us to become conformed to Him more day by day; third, this is something to aim for because it is God's standard for people, and we shall live by it even if imperfectly, strengthened by the Holy Spirit.

I was very tempted to explode into some form of a prescriptive rant. But before all the policies change and I try to bash people over their heads with what I think, I'm going to lay out what I think these surveys suggest about the thinking of the times:

1) People want to be in control of their life. If you don't like your marriage, you get divorced. If you don't like your children, you get an abortion. If you don't like your church, you switch. If you don't like your family, you leave. If you don't like your DNA, you read the genetics of your babies and tinker with them.

2) People don't have to answer to anyone. It's my way or the highway. It's my life, and I can do whatever I want with it. We believe there is no higher authority than ourselves.

3) Pain is a vice in and of itself. Comfort is a virtue.

4) Hope, faith, and waiting in the midst of uncertainty have been replaced with pessimism and self-sufficiency. The word "faith" can be equated to "believe in yourself and you will achieve!"

5) Disability means that it is impossible for you to live a full life, so you might as well end it.

Sometimes I wonder why things aren't all going well in my life and in the things around me. There are tangible implications of making God your last priority and putting faith in other things. For me, that's hard thinking and methods and planning for resolving issues with people and trying to change people.

My wrath will not be poured out on Jerusalem through Shishak. They will, however, become subject to him, so that they may learn the difference between serving me and serving the kings of other lands. (2 Chronicles 12:7b-8)

We don't really wake up to what we've been missing or taking for granted until the day it's taken away from us. I'm glad that God wants us to learn.

These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage. (Jude 1:16)

This one stuck in my heart as I read it. I would have lost hope had I not finished the chapter:

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 1:24-25)

But growing in this church has taught me a whole lot. I don't have everything down, I don't have it all figured out, and I don't have everything I need to take care of myself. Everyone has gifts and I have a few, but it's not there for me to blow up my ego, it's there for me to use it responsibly for God.