impact

It's one thing to be hopeless and quite another to be surrendered. Sometimes we can't tell the difference.

I'm part of what I would call a "missional" church and a start-up company. Both involve big visions and big thoughts and dreams of big impact.

The shortcoming of being in these contexts is that sometimes I'm not content with the simple joys of life. The grandmother wielding a knitting needle in her rocking chair has a better grasp of God's daily, common grace than I do... I won't be satisfied until poverty is eradicated from the planet.

I'm just learning how to walk with God. Perhaps one day, He will grant that I go to the nations and do crazy things, but for now, I want to know how to thank Him for my roommates, my family, my church, my co-workers, and Jesus, who is prying more control from my hands every day. I want to demonstrate His free and unconditional love to the people around me now.

So when I feel like I'm not making enough of a dent in the issues in the world and peoples' lives, I remember that it's an act of faith to do anything at all. I don't want to turn hopeless, "Oh, woe is me and woe is the world, why are things not changing?" All I can really do is ask God to use my words, my deeds, my devotion, and my weaknesses.

And then I wait for the surprises to unfold.

Chris

short film

This is the best argument against eugenics and abortion.

Chris

mission

There's a lot that goes into finding a life's purpose. It's one of those things that everyone expects you to have but not many people actually do. Most peoples' actions speak for themselves, and my own drifting-down-the-river-take-me-where-you-will life trend is peaceful but at times dissatisfying.

I wish I had a mission statement. Black and white, night and day. Everyone always wishes that life fit into nice segments like that. Mathematicians most of all, computer scientists like myself equally as much. So we make crude approximations of what the real world is like and try to form it into something that makes sense.

This past week I was in my LIFE group and was just reminded what my life's purpose is. Unfortunately, it's too vague to be satisfying, but I think when the nuance of it hits me, I am immeasurably joyful.

So here it is:
The goal of my life is to praise Jesus' name and see other people do the same.
Men smarter and wiser than me came up with one many years ago in the Westminster Shorter Catechism: "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." And I agree with that, too. I just wanted to write my own because I felt like it.

I often think our time singing and worshiping God is just a means to another end, a segue into a Bible study or a spiritual discussion. But when I realize that all God really cares about is that people praise and enjoy Him and make that everything, it changes everything. It clicked this week for me, not for the first time, and certainly not for the last. It clicked that I don't need to finish up or speed through that awkward time when no one really feels like praying or singing because we're just too distant from God and too proud to admit it. It clicked that what we don't need is more programs and more discussions, but just simply a greater love and satisfaction in God.

Then the Psalms start to make more sense. "May the peoples praise you, God; may all the peoples praise you." (Ps. 67:3)

Then the picture of heaven in Revelation makes more sense. "Day and night, they never stop saying: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.'" (Rev. 4:8b)

Then the Great Commission becomes a little clearer. "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations..." (Matthew 28:19a)

So whatever helps people to sing, speak, and delight in praising Jesus. Those are the things that are worth doing.

Chris

tongue depressors and shots

I had a few spats with shots and tongue depressors growing up. I hated the thought that there were tiny things traveling around in my bloodstream affecting me on the inside, and I gagged every time the doctor tried to get me to say, "Ahhhhh." The joyous sounds were always more like, "Agghhh-cack-cack-cack."

A couple specific incidents stick out in my memory. One was when I actually wrote my pediatrician a Christmas card saying, "Thank you for being my doctor; please don't use the tongue depressor on me next time I come in." The second was when I was slated for an MMR vaccination and I cried for a few good hours before the shot, and I was crying so hard I didn't realize that the doctor had already injected me and been done with it for a good while.

I only say all these things because I see those same fears in me at times. I can handle a shot, I gag a little less with the tongue depressors, but a lot of times I'll find myself being inordinately consumed by fear. Fear can inflict a whole lot more pain than the object of fear.

I've been afraid of facing criticism, I've been afraid of facing failure, I've been afraid of meeting new people, I've been afraid of social humiliation, I've been afraid of getting cancer; you name it, I've probably drowned myself in the fear of it. But I can see things have been changing slowly but surely, because I'm learning to live in the moment and just wait till it actually happens.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."
- 2 Timothy 1:6

Chris

trust and obey

This past summer has been amazing. I'm so thankful to God for all He's done.

There have been countless amount of times when I've felt guilty, ashamed, annoyed, frustrated, proud and weak. And God has not failed to deliver me once. No, not once.

I used to think that when things weren't going well that it was up to me. I had to get on my knees and fast, I had to read the Bible more, I had to serve more, I had to pray more. The voice of condemnation is oft the loudest and most convincing. Chris, why weren't you better?

I used to think that it was God's fault. If He's sovereign, why didn't he fix the problem? I'm a mere human, after all. There is no power in me to change anything. But God, can't you? God, why aren't you better?

But I've realized the power of simply obeying God and doing what He says. He says, "Follow me, and I will make you a fisher of men."

And without fail, every time I don't want to succumb to the discomfort of loving annoying people, every time I refuse to share God's love with someone who needs it, every time I have told Him, "God, I honestly don't love this guy, and I cannot." He has taught me to refuse to turn away and still say, "But I know Jesus overcame sin, so please overcome this sinful heart in me." Every time, God has opened amazing doors.

God, you are better. Create in me a clean heart; restore to me the joy of Your salvation; cast me not away from Your presence; do not take your Holy Spirit from me. For this is where I want to be.

Chris

cynicism

A cynic is someone who is "critical of the motives of others."

That comes out for me when I see people and I assume the absolute worst. Somewhere deep down inside, I know I'm the absolute worst and I assume that everyone else, including God, can only be worse than I am. So when I feel jaded and frustrated, I can only assume that everyone else is doing everything for the wrong reason, to please and serve their own selves.

At heart, it's a faith issue. No doubt everyone's motives are nasty and twisted on the inside, but sometimes I forget to believe that Jesus walks alongside us and purifies us to overcome our own sinful hearts. Sometimes I forget there's a way out. Sometimes I see what we should be and what we fail to be, and I forget that Jesus loves us anyway, and that He also made a way. Sometimes, I forget.

But the battle of the Christian, my battle to fight, is to stop where I am in my cynicism. Things are terrible now, no doubt, and objectively falling apart, but to turn in these times to the living God who can change all things. To the living Son of God who overcame sin and weakness and trust that it is finished. To the Christian, a broken situation is nothing but an opportunity to shine God's light.

I admire the Penn State players who are responding to their whole situation with optimism. I don't think human optimism lasts, but hope in God to accomplish and fulfill His purposes always will. What they said was purely inspiring:
"As a team, we don't see this as a punishment, this is an opportunity," senior running back Michael Zordich said. "This is the greatest opportunity a Penn Stater could ever be given. We have an obligation to Penn State and we have the ability to fight not just for a team, not just a program, but for an entire university and every man that wore the blue and white on the gridiron before us. We are going to embrace this opportunity and we're going to make something very special happen in 2012."
Added senior linebacker Michael Mauti: "This program was not built by one man and this program sure as hell is not going to get torn down by one man."
Bravo. Replace every reference to Penn State with either "God" or "the Church" and you have yourself one amazingly holy quote.

Chris

don't back down

I was inspired today by a friend I know from a couple years back. He goes to the other big campus church in town and he's heading out to Kyrgyzstan this summer to serve the people there on missions. His take on going went something like this:
You know, I'm afraid. Because I'm not sure if I'm going to raise enough money to cover this plane ticket, if I'll find enough support, what's going to happen, all that stuff. But I decided I'm not gonna let fear dictate my life. I'm going, and maybe I'll have to raise the rest of the funds after I get there, and maybe it'll fall apart, but I'm going.
And that's... the essence of faith, isn't it? To go somewhere when you don't know what will happen. To not let what you see dictate your decisions. And the whole difference in someone who is led by God and someone who is not is that someone who knows Jesus can have the firm confidence that God will never leave him nor forsake him, that if God is calling and we follow, that if we have nothing else in this life, we have Him.

That is a difficult one to fight for, I admit. But it's fully worth it. Jesus, raise up more men like this in our generation.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9

Chris

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